


Lucid Dreams

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Kissing, Angry Sex, Bitterness, Blow Jobs, Fights, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-11 15:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15975581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Eggsy learned very early on that anything good in his life wouldn't last.  The star would shine bright, it would fade, and he'd be left with the aftermath of betrayal and heartache.  He pushes aimlessly through life until Merlin gives him something to push against.Harry is not a very nice person in this story.  Eggsy is not the happy go lucky cinnamon roll we all know and love.  Not a lot of fluff...but we get there in the end. :)Please note the warning of angry sex and fighting, if that is not your cup of tea.  Nothing is non-consensual, and the fighting is not detailed or particularly gory.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My 15 year old son got me obsessed with the Juice WRLD song "Lucid Dreams." It's a very good song, and it helps that it samples my favorite Sting song (Shape of My Heart). I was listening to it after I started this story and the words just were so perfect for poor Eggsy that I used the title and a few of the lyrics.

I still see your shadows in my room/can’t take back the love that I gave you/it’s to the point where I love and I hate you/and I cannot change you so I must replace you…

 

Eggsy learned very early in life that anything good, anything that made you happy, made you relax, made you forget to pay attention? It would absolutely be taken from you in a blink of an eye, and then you’d have to deal with the aftermath.

The aftermath usually hurt, enough to erase any good feelings the original thing might give you.

The aftermath came hand in hand with betrayal.

 

Eggsy’s father was his world. Lee was everything sunshiny and bright and good. He made his mother laugh, made her twirl with delight when he brought her something as simple as a pastry for dinner. He made Eggsy scream with laughter when he threw him up in the air and caught him, or when he put Eggsy on his shoulders and walked around the park. He made Eggsy proud when he told him he needed to be the man of the house while Lee was gone, because his mother needed him. It was his job to protect her, his and no one else’s…and Lee knew that Eggsy wouldn’t let him down. Eggsy promised.

Lee never came back. He didn’t come back, a strange tall posh man gave him a medal and told him to remember a phrase (like Eggsy was a baby; he was almost seven, he remembered entire cartoon theme songs) in case he needed help. And then the man was gone, too, and Eggsy was left to protect his mother on his own. 

His father’s death, followed by the betrayal of the tall man who promised help would come if they ever needed it. Eggsy imagined the man would simply come back when they needed it…didn’t know how to call the number and ask for help. The man never came.

 

Dean knew exactly what buttons to push to get the Unwins to let him into their family. He bought Michelle drinks at the pub, told her she was beautiful, acted shocked when he found out she had a ten-year-old son. She didn’t look a day over twenty, he said, and her lonely heart believed him. When she finally brought him around the house, Eggsy was eager to meet him. Eager to meet this man who made his mum smile for the first time in years, made her dress up pretty. Eggsy knew it was his job to take care of her, but it would be nice to be able to put that weight down for a bit. 

“I thought Michelle said she had a little boy at home. Didn’t know you was a man,” Dean said, clapping Eggsy on the back. “Don’t wanna step on any toes, you bein’ in charge of the house an’ all.”

Eggsy smiled proudly. Someone who understood his duty, the need to watch out for his mother. He was the number one man in his mother’s life, and this Dean seemed to get that.

He got it all right. As soon as Michelle said, “Well, maybe, I gotta check with Eggsy, Dean,” Dean moved all his stuff into their tiny flat. Suddenly he wasn’t so nice. He still complimented Michelle, but those honeyed words were normally followed by wandering hands. Michelle would blush and draw him into the bedroom, away from Eggsy’s curious eyes. At the beginning he’d buy Eggsy presents. Now he didn’t even want to give Eggsy money to buy lunch at school. He started eyeing anything Eggsy had that might be worth something, but Eggsy caught on quick and hid things that might be valuable. Not that he had much. They never had much. Well, Michelle and Dean had alcohol, and cigarettes, and something else that Eggsy was afraid to ask too much about. 

At the beginning Dean talked all respectful about how Eggsy was the man of the house. No more. There was only room for one man in that house and that was Dean Baker, even when Eggsy was old enough to fight back. But you didn’t fight back because that wasn’t protecting Mum. If Eggsy fought back Dean took it out on her.

Dean promised prosperity and care but instead gave them only injury and heartbreak.

He did give Eggsy Daisy, however, and that was one thing Eggsy wouldn’t give up for a million pounds. 

 

After Eggsy watched Harry Hart obliterate Dean’s goons at the Black Prince he wondered if maybe his father hadn’t sent Harry to be his guardian angel. Harry rescued him from jail, rescued him from the pack of idiots, rescued him from Dean and his cleaver. He rescued him from a life in that dingy flat and dropped him off in a mansion with a fleet of cars and airplanes and a bald Scotsman who told him to write his name on a body bag in preparation for the most dangerous job interview he’d ever go on.

Eggsy was quickly enamored of Harry. He didn’t see him much, first because agents didn’t mingle with recruits, and secondly because Harry quickly blew himself into a coma. Eggsy snuck in to Harry’s room during the night, when he was supposed to be sleeping. He was fairly certain Merlin knew; the man seemed to have eyes everywhere and the door was always unlocked at the same time every night. Eggsy sat by Harry’s side, held his hand, and begged him to wake up. He didn’t have anyone else. Everyone else deserted him, let him down, made him feel like he was nothing. But Harry seemed to want to lift Eggsy up, wanted him to make something of himself. Harry thought he had potential.

He as much as told Eggsy so the night after the train test. Harry made Eggsy dinner and told him stories, Eggsy eating up every word. When it came time to turn in, Harry walked him to the guest room door, saying good night with his hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. Eggsy looked up at him, stars in his eyes, and boldly did something he’d never done before. He kissed a man who wasn’t trying to give him money for the pleasure. He tightened his hands in the belt of Harry’s dressing gown and kissed him, pressing his body up to Harry’s. Harry pulled back, smiled at him, and said, “Well, my boy, you most definitely ARE full of surprises.” He then brought Eggsy to his bed, took him apart, and slowly reshaped him piece by agonizing piece. Eggsy woke up the next morning sore, happy, and head over heels in love with Harry Hart. Harry simply nudged him awake, reminding him that he needed to report to HQ for the final test.

Harry betrayed him by not warning him about the dog test. By not giving him any hint as to what might happen. He betrayed him by the way he looked at Eggsy when he approached his house, disgust and shame all over his face. He made Eggsy feel like an idiot, as if he should have known how wily Kingsman would be. And then he betrayed him by dying in front of Eggsy’s eyes and never returning so they could finish their conversation. 

Eggsy dealt with the aftermath of Harry’s death by working with Roxy and Merlin to save the world. He dealt with the betrayal by not letting another man touch him sexually.

 

Eggsy supposed he deserved at least one reward for saving the world. The Queen wouldn’t knight him, of course; it was ironic that Kingsman knights couldn’t be knighted. They didn’t exist. But Eggsy DID get a beautiful princess offering to let him do her up the arse. While he would have preferred the arse of a handsome prince instead, beggars really couldn’t be choosers, and from the right angle, he could pretend. Merlin grumbled in his ear but gave the passcode to unlock the door, and mercifully never mentioned it to him again. Tilde was beautiful, Eggsy could admit, and she seemed to like everything he did to her. Her warmth and affection soothed his battered soul, and when they came walking out of the bunker with their arms around each other, Merlin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Thankfully Eggsy had remembered at the last minute not to call Harry’s name when he came deep inside her.

He deposited her safely back in Sweden with her parents but came back to visit a month later. They liked him, but he was fairly certain they thought he was a phase. He stayed two weeks, was gone for two months, and then came back again. Three months later she came to stay in London for the summer, living with him in Harry’s house. If she thought it odd that Eggsy lived in a home obviously decorated by an entitled older gentleman, she didn’t say anything. They had sex all night, slept all day, ate dinner in bed. It was wonderful. 

Eggsy seriously started thinking about a future with Tilde. There were a few roadblocks. She was a princess, in line for a throne. He was a chav from nowhere with a super secret spy job. But they’d make it work. Or so he thought, until he turned on the news one night and heard the evening’s big headline: Swedish Princess Tilde to Marry Some Boring As Fuck Swedish Royal In Big Fucking Wedding.

“Oh, Eggsy, darling, have you heard the news? I’m so excited!”

“Yeah, Tilde, that’s sorta why I’m calling. Yer getting married.”

“Yes! Frederick finally proposed.”

“You expected this?” Eggsy almost yelled.

“Well, I hoped, but…oh.” Tilde paused, her voice softening. “Sweetheart, did you think…oh, you did. You and I…we were never a “you and I,” you know this? We were just fun. You saved the world, saved me, and I repaid you with a very nice time. It was all temporary.”

“It wasn’t temporary for me,” Eggsy snarled.

“But Eggsy, dear, you are a commoner from England. I am a Swedish princess. The only place we were equals was when we were fucking, yes?”

“No. Because I’m worth ten of you.” Eggsy hung up and drowned his sorrows in one of Harry’s favorite whiskey bottles.

Of course he didn’t deserve a princess. He deserved being royally (excuse the pun) fucked over and the world’s worst hangover as the aftermath.

 

Eggsy starts devoting his time to two things: Kingsman and his sister. His mother is doing better, cleaned up, off the drugs and working at a small grocer near their house. She makes enough to send Daisy to a small nursery school, and Eggsy foots the bill for therapy…for Michelle as well as Daisy. He doesn’t mind spending the money. His family is all he has, and he will spend every last pound making sure they’re happy and healthy.

On the rare occasion that he feels he needs to blow off some steam, to relax a bit, he contacts Merlin and the two of them hit the closest pub. Merlin carefully watches his alcohol intake and Eggsy’s as well. One never knows when they could be called into the field suddenly. Eggsy doesn’t mind. He likes the companionship. Merlin doesn’t ask any questions, doesn’t delve into Eggsy’s past. He’s not a therapist. He’s the friend who helped Eggsy save the world, the friend whose job is sending Eggsy out to possible death each time he leaves on a mission. Not many friends can understand why Eggsy’s cold and dark and quiet whenever he’s not around his mum and Daisy. Merlin understands, because he’s cold and dark and quiet as well.

Except when he’s yelling at Arsenal, and that loss of control amuses Eggsy to no end.

 

Eggsy returns from a two week mission in Indonesia, exhausted and shivering from the inside out. He’s a professional who knows how to do his job, but breaking up a smuggling ring specializing in children does something to him. He thinks about calling Merlin, but decides it’s best to stay home alone. He pours a glass of whiskey (Harry’s stash is getting low; he should probably do something about that) and goes up to take a hot bath. He allows the steam to bathe his face, the mental images of screaming children going up with the warm air. He scrubs himself until his skin is almost red, pulls on Harry’s red dressing gown, and goes back downstairs to make himself a small dinner. 

He’s finishing up and bringing the plate and glass to the sink when he bobbles the glass and drops it on the floor. “Fuck,” he yells as the glass shatters. He carefully picks his way around the glass and goes to the closet for the broom and dustbin. He cleans up the glass, goes to the closet to return the broom, and something on a shelf catches his eye. He reaches up and retrieves the item with shaking hands. Harry’s computer.

He pours himself a stiff drink and sits down with the computer at the kitchen table. He boots it up, shocked that the battery still has enough juice to get things done. He sits and stares at the home screen for a long moment, imagining Harry doing the exact same thing. He wonders why Harry’s never changed the wallpaper from the boring screen that comes with the computer. Eggsy finally starts clicking around a bit; hanging out with Merlin has taught him a few things about the Kingsman computer network. He finds a folder marked “video files” and studiously ignores it. Three guesses what’s in there…something Eggsy never wants to see again.

He finishes his drink, pours another and clicks on “audio files.” This could be amusing. He quickly comes to realize that the file is full of sound clips from conversations Harry had through his glasses. They automatically download to his private file on the server. Mostly calls with Merlin, of course, although Eggsy hears his own voice more than once. He stares at a file, absently swirling the mouse around the screen. 140214. V-Day, with a time stamp of an hour after Harry and Eggsy had their argument. He hesitates briefly and then clicks the file. 

“Any other information you can give me, Merlin?”

“No, Galahad, that’s we have for now.”

“Good. I’m fucking buggered. I’ll be laying down shortly.”

“Late night?”

“You could say that.”

“Harry…Eggsy? Really?”

“Yes, really.” Eggsy can hear the grin in Harry’s voice and he has to smile a little as well. “Boy’s full of energy, of course…quite eager, although he lacked finesse.” Eggsy’s smile fades.

“Do you think that was wise, Harry? Coming on to…”

“Oh, I didn’t come on to him at all. I didn’t even approach him. He approached me. Pressed that body up against me, stuck his tongue in my mouth, and it just progressed from there.”

“I’m sorry he didn’t make it into Kingsman, Harry. Perhaps we could find something for him on staff.”

“I doubt it, Merlin. From what Arthur told me, Eggsy pulled the gun on him. And then he stole Arthur’s car. I’m not exactly going to feel his loss. I mean, he’s a good man and I think he would have been a valuable asset, but it’s not like I felt some sort of connection or anything.” Eggsy’s heart stops beating. “He was a good fuck, a lot of fun, but…it’s not like we could possibly be equals now.”

“Harry…I must say I’m a bit surprised at your cavalier attitude. I thought you like them young and cheeky.”

“I do, and so do you, if memory serves. But his father will always be standing between us, and I cannot abide the continuing sense of guilt. He threw it at me just today. I wish him well, but it’s probably for the best. Eggsy Unwin will always be a pleasant memory of an enjoyable shag.”

Eggsy slams the laptop shut, heart hammering in his throat. Enjoyable SHAG? He’d come this close to professing his love to Harry, and Harry saw him as “a good fuck.” He stares at the laptop, fighting the urge to throw it across the room. Instead he goes upstairs, gets dressed, and heads out the door.

 

Merlin’s eyes widen as he opens his door and finds Eggsy on the other side. “Eggsy? What a surprise. Are you all right, lad?”

“No, I ain’t fuckin’ all right.” Eggsy shoves Merlin aside and storms into the house uninvited. Merlin calmly shuts the door, an action that infuriates Eggsy even more. “So…found Harry’s computer tonight. Did some pokin’ around, found the folder with all his conversations in it. The times he used tha glasses?”

“All right,” Merlin says slowly. 

“Found the one from V-Day, when Harry were on tha plane ta Kentucky. He talked ta you. About ME.”

“Jesus,” Merlin whispers. “And I supposed you listened to it.”

“Yes, I did. Heard all about how I stuck my tongue in his mouth, how I was eager but lacked finesse.” Eggsy swallows hard, anger swirling through his body. “How I was a good fuck…a memorable shag. What tha fuck, Merlin? You two talk about your little conquests all the time?”

“Sometimes,” Merlin says wearily. “Harry liked to brag, of course.”

“About me?” Eggsy angrily wipes at a tear that sneaks down his cheek. “Thought he was tha fuckin’ WORLD, Merlin. He told me I had potential, that I was loyal an’ that I was capable of so many things.”

“And he believed that.”

“Did he say that before or after he told ya he was plannin’ on fuckin’ me.”

“Eggsy.”

“Don’t Eggsy me, you fuckin’ prick.” The words leave Eggsy’s mouth before he can stop them. “I cared about him, an’ tha whole time you two was talking shite about me.”

“No, we weren’t. We never discussed you like that.”

“Just hold yer breath, Merlin, don’t wanna hear no more lies.” Eggsy shoves Merlin in the chest, then shoves him again. “Fuck you.”

Before Eggsy knows what’s happening he’s pressed face first against the wall of Merlin’s foyer, one hand tight up against his back. “If you move, I will dislocate your shoulder,” Merlin growls in his ear. “Now, if you have a complaint, you know what you should’ve done with it. But I’ll forgive you just this once.”

“Lemme go, you fuckin’ wanker.”

“If you wish to lay your hands on me, lad, let’s do it properly.” Merlin slowly releases him and he whirls around. “I have a mat downstairs. We can spar there, if you’re so eager to hit me.”

“I won’t go easy on you,” Eggsy warns.

Merlin smiles, a viper-like grin that makes him look more evil than Eggsy ever thought possible. “Oh, I look forward to it.” He turns on his heel and heads for the kitchen. Eggsy follows him down a set of stairs to a large room full of exercise equipment. In the middle is a small boxing ring. Merlin pulls off his shoes, tugs off his jeans, and finally removes his jumper. As he stands there in only his pants, Eggsy is astounded by the lean lines of muscle. He’s fairly certain his mouth has dropped open. “Yes, Eggsy…I don’t just sit behind a computer all day.” He motions. “Well, on with it, then. I don’t have all night.”

Anger reignites in Eggsy’s soul and he kicks off his trainers, sending them flying across the room. He takes off his jeans and hesitates only briefly before removing his jumper and vest. Merlin’s watched him take a piss in the trainee dormitory. Not like he hasn’t seen Eggsy mostly naked before. “All right then.” Eggsy pulls himself into the boxing ring and stretches a bit.

“All right, then,” Merlin echoes, easily slipping between the ropes. He touches his toes, reaches over his head, and sends a kick right into Eggsy’s stomach.

“Fuck,” Eggsy says, exhaling the pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry, weren’t you ready? I thought you were looking to beat the hell out of me.” Merlin smiles pleasantly as he dances around a bit. “You came looking for a fight…give me one.”

“I hate you. Hate you both, grumpy old pervs lookin’ ta get a leg over.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what we are.” Merlin rolls his eyes and ducks as Eggsy throws a punch.

Eggsy’s furious. “I’ll shut that smartarse mouth for ya, old man.” He swipes a leg out and catches Merlin in the thigh. Merlin winces slightly, spins around, and boxes Eggsy’s ears.

Eggsy stops thinking. He only fights, going into combat mode. His hands and feet fly like whips, but unfortunately his opponent is one of the people who taught him to fight. Merlin’s hands block Eggsy’s fists, although Eggsy does get a good shot to the kidney and another to the face. Merlin reaches up to touch his bloody nose. “About time you start taking this seriously. I do have better things to do.”

“I’m sure ya do…surfin’ tha web lookin’ for young chavs ta fuck?”

“Oh, Eggsy. You are mistaken.” Merlin punches him in the jaw and he staggers back. “Harry didn’t fuck you because you were young, or because you were a chav. You were there. It’s how he was. And as for me?” Merlin smirks. “I don’t have to surf the web to find someone to fuck. I just wink and beckon.”

“Izzat how it is, then?” The fight suddenly leaves Eggsy and he’s trembling where he stands. “Just a joke to tha two of you? Harry finds a pleb, promises he can be somethin’, tells him he BELIEVES in him…an’ then he fucks him, insults him, an’ leaves him? Ya like that, then?”

Merlin seems to lose steam as well, something changing in his eyes. “Oh, lad…I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to hear all that.”

“I…I loved him, Merlin. Fuckin’ LOVED him. An’ just like everyone else, he fuckin’ betrayed me.” Eggsy turns away and slides back out of the ring.

“Eggsy.” Merlin comes after him, wincing as he crawls out after him. “Wait.” He puts a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize your feelings were so strong.”

“Yeah, they was. Stronger than anything I felt before. I was fuckin’ stupid.” The rage starts to boil in Eggsy again. “Hope yer happy.”

“What did I do?”

Merlin’s just looking at him, his eyes sad. Eggsy’s not sure what Merlin’s part is in all of this, but deep down he knows he’s not the villain. Eggsy wipes at his nose and growls when he sees blood on his knuckles. He looks back up at Merlin, grabs him by the hips, and pulls him in for a brutal kiss. Eggsy tastes blood and doesn’t know whose it is, which probably isn’t safe. He pulls back, panting, and glares at Merlin. “There. Now ya can…”

Merlin picks him up, spins him around, and presses him against the side of the ring. On the way, he bends down and picks up his own vest and fiercely wipes Eggsy’s face with it. Eggsy howls with pain. Merlin then wipes the blood from his own face, throws the vest over his shoulder, and kisses Eggsy again. The kiss is angry and demanding, teeth biting down on Eggsy’s sore bottom lip. Eggsy whimpers, hands scrabbling for purchase on Merlin’s body but finding none. He finally reaches back and grabs onto the edge of the boxing ring. “Come for me.”

“What?” Eggsy gasps, wondering what the hell’s going on. Merlin shoves Eggsy’s pants down and he actually whimpers. Merlin kisses him again as his hand finds Eggsy’s hard cock, stroking it once before letting his fingernails drag up the hot skin. His teeth press against Eggsy’s neck before biting down. Eggsy moans, thrusting his hips into Merlin’s hand.

“I said…come for me, Eggsy. You show up here looking to fight, and now you’re looking to fuck. Don’t think I don’t see it.”

“I didn’t…oh fuck, Merlin…” Merlin’s thumb swipes against the head and Eggsy actually sees stars. “Merlin,” he whimpers.

“Come, you pathetic little shit.” Merlin licks up the side of Eggsy’s neck and he does. He comes long and hard, yelling as he spurts onto Merlin’s fingers. Merlin waits until Eggsy’s cock is done throbbing in his hand before wiping the spunk down Eggsy’s bare chest. “You show up here like this again, you choose. One or the other. Fight or fuck. Because this is the last time I do both.” He turns around and walks back upstairs completely naked.

Eggsy slides to the ground, panting for breath. He finds his clothing, using his vest to wipe off his chest. He throws it on the ground with Merlin’s discarded clothing before getting dressed. When he goes upstairs, Merlin is nowhere to be seen. Eggsy lets himself out, goes home, and drinks until he passes out.

 

Who knew evil boys have the prettiest faces/you gave me a heart that was full of mistakes/I gave you my heart and you made my heart break…


	2. Chapter 2

2

Eggsy’s not sure what to expect when he returns to HQ after his mandatory post-mission leave. He’s not spoken with Merlin, by text or otherwise, and he’s wondering if he even has a job. One shouldn’t show up on the doorstep of their superior and threaten to beat the hell out of them. Especially when Merlin did nothing but answer the phone when Harry called.

But then again, Eggsy’s never really done what he should.

He’d spent the two days after the encounter sleeping or drinking, finally getting his act together on the third day and dragging himself to the shower. He straightens up the house, spends time with Daisy, and is ready to head back to work on the fourth day. He puts on his favorite Kingsman suit, shines his shoes, and heads out the door. So what if Harry thought he was just a “memorable shag”? At least he was memorable.

When he knocks on Merlin’s office door, however, he’s a bit nervous. Perhaps he wasn’t even a memorable shag to Merlin…not that they’d actually shagged. He’d not even touched Merlin, something that he now regrets. The man was steel velvet and that was while wearing only his pants.

“Enter.”

Eggsy takes a deep breath. He’s a Kingsman knight. He holds his head high as he goes into the office. “Merlin.”

“Ah, good morning, Gawain. Feeling rested after your time off?” Merlin leans back a bit and looks at Eggsy.

“Yes, Merlin, thanks. Needed it, I think.” He stands in front of Merlin’s desk. 

“Sit, lad.” Merlin points to the chair.

Eggsy carefully sits, still a bit tender from the beating he’d asked for and definitely received. Merlin looks like he always does, stern and powerful in his trousers and jumper. Eggsy wonders what Merlin’s told people about the bruising around his nose; at least Eggsy can blame his mission for the purple jaw and black eye. “So…anythin’ in tha pipeline fer me?”

“Not yet, but there’s something coming along soon that could be good for you and Lancelot.”

“Me an’ Roxy? Fuckin’ ACES, Merlin.” Eggsy grins with delight. He hasn’t had a mission with his best friend since V-Day.

“Indeed.” Merlin’s face is serious but his eyes twinkle. “So glad I could be of service.”

“Fuck off,” Eggsy retorts and Merlin finally smiles.

Nothing changes after that. Merlin still yells at Eggsy for taking chances on the auto track, yells at him for wasting ammunition at the range by trying to show off, yells at him for trying to convince Andrew to make him a casual suit for home wear. It’s as if their little encounter never happened.

Until it happens again.

 

Eggsy and Roxy are indeed sent out on a mission two weeks later. It seems simple enough; they’re to infiltrate an enemy bunker and steal intel from an office. No big deal. Something they’ve both done many times. But the bunker is buried underground in a public park, and they need to find their way in, disarm the guards, and make their way to the office without drawing too much attention to themselves.

“Dunno if I can pull this off, Merlin,” Eggsy says as he and Roxy walk hand in hand through the park. “Gotta snog this ugly bird? Makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Yes, well, it’s no walk in the park for me, either,” Roxy says, then winces as she realizes her unintentional pun.

“Cute, Lancelot,” Merlin says in their ears. “All right. The entry to the bunker is disguised as the control building for the fountain. Just do whatever you can to act casual.”

“Yeah, because that’s gonna be easy,” Eggsy snorts.

It’s almost dark and the park is fairly deserted. They wander about, trying to find the best way to nonchalantly lean against the door of the control building. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” Merlin says finally. “Just shove her up against the door and kiss her, Gawain. You’re lovers.”

Eggsy swallows deeply, his cock rock hard at the commanding tone of Merlin’s voice. Not here…not now. “We know that, Merlin,” he hisses quietly. He maneuvers her towards the building, presses her back against the door and starts to kiss her. His left hand cups the side of her head while his right fiddles with the device in his hand.

“I should have been the one to get the lock,” Roxy says against his cheek. “I’m much better than you.”

“The only thing in this scenario you’re better at,” Eggsy mutters. He dips his head as if he’s kissing her neck and fumbles at the lock. He’s rewarded with a click. “And there we go.”

Roxy reaches back, turns the knob, and allows them to quickly fall through the door. It’s the only part of the mission that goes according to plan.

There are men everywhere, twice the number Merlin had warned them about. The plans for the bunker were less than accurate, taking quite a few more twists and turns then they’d thought. They manage to make it all the way to the office – they are Lancelot and Gawain, after all – but after they grab the intel and start working their way out they’re met by the mastermind of the whole operation…a man that was supposed to be in Mexico at that very moment. Guns blaze, people shout, and it finishes with the mastermind dead on the floor and Roxy on the floor across from him with a bullet graze to the head.

“Sweet Jesus,” Eggsy gasps, falling to his knees on the floor.

“I’m fine,” she says drowsily. “Get me out of here. I’m not bleeding all over some bunker floor. I want a comfortable bed in Medical, my favorite silk pajamas, a box of chocolates, and rom-coms on the telly."

“Done,” Eggsy says immediately. He helps her stand but she’s too woozy to walk. “I’ll help you to the door, but then I’m going to have to put you on my back.” He starts shuffling her down the corridor.

“No,” she whines. “Humiliating.”

“Which is worse…us pretendin’ yer drunk off yer arse an’ I’m helpin’ ya ta tha car, or us pretendin’ ta be playful lovebirds?”

“Wise thinking, Gawain.”

“Not lookin’ fer yer two cents right now, Merlin,” Eggsy snaps. He helps Roxy to the door and easily slides her up onto his back. It’s like carrying Daisy…if she was an adult woman packed with muscle and bleeding down his shoulder. 

Even through her pain Roxy is able to play the part. She giggles a bit, occasionally kissing Eggsy’s cheek and burying her face in his neck. He tries to ignore her whimpers of agony. He finally gets them to the car and breaks all sorts of laws driving them back to HQ. Thankfully they don’t run into anyone with the authority to stop them; Eggsy wasn’t going to be responsible for his actions. 

He carries her to Medical and sits in a corner of the room while the doctors look her over. Merlin thankfully doesn’t try to speak with him again, which is good. Eggsy’s so angry and worried that he’d probably say something that could get him fired.

“Don’t worry, Gawain,” the doctor says, turning around to face him. “She’s going to be fine. She’s lost some blood, but nothing life-threatening.”

“Does she need a donation or anything?” Eggsy removes his jacket and starts rolling up his sleeves. He already knows their blood types are compatible.

“No, sir,” the doctor says kindly, putting a hand on Eggsy’s arm. “We have more than enough. Why don’t you go home and…” Eggsy glares at him. “We’ve given her a sedative so she can rest.”

“Well, I can rest here, too, after I give my report,” Eggsy says. “Chair looks comfortable enough.”

“She won’t wake up until tomorrow morning.”

“And I’ll be here when she does.”

The doctor studies him for a moment. “Of course. I’ll let the staff know.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

Eggsy washes up before going to find one of Merlin’s staff. They seem a bit shocked that he wants to give his report to them instead of his official handler, but they’re so used to odd behavior from the agents that they don’t say anything. He dutifully provides all the necessary information and goes back to Medical. He sits and stares at Roxy, holding her hand until her eyes flutter open around two in the morning.

“What are you doing here, you berk?”

“Why are you awake? Doc said you’d be sleepin’ all night.”

“Still tired, felt you here.” She smiles at him. “I’m fine. Go home.”

“Lancelot.”

“Gawain.”

“Roxy.”

“Eggsy Unwin, go the fuck home before I push the button and tell them you’re starting to look like you’re passing out.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.” She brings his hand to her lips and kisses it. “Thank you for sitting with me, but I’m fine. Not your fault.”

“No, it’s not.” He stands up. He knows exactly whose fault it is.

 

“Lad, you do realize it’s three in the morning?”

“Well, glad to know you can at least tell time right.” Eggsy crosses his arms over his chest. “Fight.”

“I beg your pardon?” Merlin rubs at his eyes and yawns. He’s wearing a pair of loose pajama bottoms and an old vest. Eggsy thinks that it’s a better look on Merlin than anything he’s ever seen, but he quickly pushes that thought away.

“Ya told me I needed ta decide on one tha next time I came here. I’ve decided. Fight.”

Merlin steps aside and lets him in. Eggsy goes down the hall without a word. “So, I’m assuming you blame me for Lancelot’s injury?”

“Too fuckin’ right, bruv.” Eggsy clatters down the stairs, disrobing as he walks. This time he carefully folds his clothing on a pile and places it on a chair before climbing into the ring. He jumps a bit, rolling his tired muscles and trying to stretch. He’s bouncing on his heels when Merlin finally comes downstairs. He simply removes his vest and climbs into the ring.

“I don’t have pants on,” Merlin says simply.

“Don’t bother me none one way or tha other,” Eggsy says casually, although his cock does a bit of a jump at the thought of Merlin naked.

Merlin stretches and looks at him. “Well, let me have it, then.”

Eggsy lets loose with a string of punches, connecting about two-thirds of the time. “Why tha FUCK did this go tits up?” He gasps. He groans when the heel of merlin’s hand hits him in the chin.

“Because the intel I was given wasn’t as reliable as I’d thought.” Merlin spins and kicks, Eggsy evading the maneuver and throwing Merlin off balance.

“Been Merlin a long time, ya fuckin’ dinosaur…shouldn’t ya know by now how ta do yer job?”

Merlin punches him in the stomach and knees him in the chest when he’s bent over. “Why don’t you try it for a day, laddie, see how easy it is?”

For some reason the patronizing tone irritates Eggsy. He stops talking, starts fighting, and before he knows it he’s bloody yet again, panting for breath and leaning against the ropes a bit. Merlin’s down on one knee, gasping for breath, a hand clutching at his side. “Well?” Eggsy pants, not sure what he’s asking for.

Merlin looks up at him and there’s pain in the hazel eyes. Merlin has beautiful eyes. Eggsy’s never allowed himself to notice that before. “Trust me when I tell you that the pain you’re inflicting on me is nothing compared to the pain I inflict upon myself every time an agent comes back injured.”

Eggsy thinks on that for a moment and slowly nods. He holds out a hand, helps Merlin to his feet, and helps him out of the ring. Eggsy silently pulls on his vest, shoes and trousers without looking at Merlin again. He gathers the rest of his clothing and limps upstairs. As he turns to walk through the kitchen he notices the half-empty bottle of scotch on the table. Apparently Merlin hadn’t been asleep after all. 

 

Eggsy’s at HQ bright and early the next morning. Not only to come sit with Roxy, but to leave a little package on Merlin’s desk. He hopes he’ll enjoy the tea and chocolate biscuits. It’s not much a of a peace offering, but perhaps it will show Merlin that Eggsy finally gets it, finally sees what Merlin goes through every time an agent leaves headquarters. And sometimes, like Harry, the agents don’t always come back.

He busies himself with entertaining his friend, ignoring the whole thing with Merlin. He doesn’t know why he goes to Merlin to take out his frustrations, he just does. Perhaps because he trusts Merlin more than anyone else in his life. That’s enough to make him stop short for a moment. He shakes his head a bit and focuses on making fun of the romantic comedy he’s currently watching with Roxy.

The next day they send her home and he gallantly offers to drive her to her flat. Anything to avoid Merlin. Somehow the way he’d acted about Roxy’s injury is even more embarrassing than letting Merlin stroke him off. 

“Will you stop touching me? I can walk,” she snaps as they get out of the car.

“Christ…excuse me for carin’!”

“You’re being fussy. I hate fussy.”

“I see that,” Eggsy says as they enter her pristine flat. “Fuck, Roxy, didn’t they have anything in color when ya went to tha store?” Her flat is black, white, grey and industrial. He hates it. He looks around and yearns for the cluttered antique mess of Harry’s home.

“I’m rarely here. Why should I work hard to decorate it? It’s a place to shower and sleep.”

“Jesus.” Eggsy looks around and shakes his head. 

He makes sure she’s safe and comfortable, planning on staying for the day. She throws a shoe at his head and orders him out of the flat. He kisses her forehead and says goodbye, wishing that sometimes he could be more like Roxy. All straight lines and tight corners, all neutral colors. No cracks in the armor.

 

Eggsy’s armor cracks a month later. Things have gotten back to normal again with Merlin; Eggsy hasn’t had a reason to go knocking at his door. They meet for fish and chips, argue about footie, and act like best mates while continuing to ignore the rather large elephant that’s started camping out in the room.

“You takin’ tha piss, Merlin?” Eggsy growls as he stands in Merlin’s office.

“I do not have time to even take a real piss, Eggsy, so rest assured I’m not taking the piss with you,” Merlin says calmly. 

“Yer sendin’ Kay with me? What, do I need a babysitter?”

“At times,” Merlin tells him. “Kay spent over fifteen years assigned to this particular part of the world. His knowledge will be quite helpful.”

“Could do this alone,” Eggsy mutters.

“But why should you? Why not ask for help when you need it?”

Eggsy opens his mouth and then closes it. He huffs a bit and then says, “Fine. But I’m still lead on this, right?”

“If it will get you out of your strop, yes. You’re the lead,” Merlin says generously. “Bring me back some coffee. The good dark stuff that’s guaranteed to keep me up for three days.”

“Ain’t you usually up that long anyway?” Eggsy teases.

Merlin turns red and pokes at his computer a bit. “Not your concern,” he says finally. “Meet Kay in the hangar in an hour. And be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Eggsy says. Merlin snorts and goes back to his computer.

Eggsy likes Kay. He really does. The man’s a little younger than Merlin, from a fairly middle-class background. He likes football and fishing and is a man’s man. It is true that he spent most of his thirties and beyond in this particular part of the country, but Eggsy’d been looking forward to working the mission on his own. He’s been itching for something…something’s been burning under his skin for weeks now. He’d hoped that the mission could take care of it.

“Sorry,” Kay says sheepishly as Eggsy approaches him. “I read the file…it seems like you’d be completely capable of…”

“No need to apologize,” Eggsy says quickly, and it’s true. It’s not Kay’s fault. “I appreciate any information you can give me.”

They buckle in and start to discuss the mission. Eggsy’s still not pleased but tries not to show it. Kay does indeed give him some good insight, and they finish their briefing quicker than Eggsy thought they would. “I know this must be strange for you,” Kay says finally.

“What do you mean?”

“I know…I know you and Harry were close,” Kay says finally. “He was your mentor…and he was quite proud of you. I do hope you don’t think I’m trying to take his place.”

“Absolutely not,” Eggsy snaps, clutching the armrests of his seat. “No one can take Harry’s place.”

“Of course,” Kay says gently.

“Eggsy,” Merlin says in Eggsy’s ear. “I wouldn’t…”

Eggsy slaps at the side of his glasses to shut Merlin up. That’s the last thing he needs to hear right now. “I’m sorry, Kay. Forgive my outburst. I…I’m just a little anxious about the mission.”

“Of course,” Kay says again, looking a little more relaxed. Eggsy spends the rest of the flight looking out the window.

Once they land Eggsy allows Kay to take the lead and he proves himself useful almost immediately. He knows exactly whose palm to warm, and he’s fluent in the native language. Eggsy runs into a small shop to buy Merlin’s coffee and before he knows it they’re on a truck headed out to a campsite. Someone’s been selling illegal weapons, and they’re pretending to look things over for a possible purchase.

“You gotta teach me how to talk like that,” Eggsy whispers in English. “Been studying for months now, and I can’t say much more than where’s the loo.”

“It helps if you immerse yourself in the culture,” Kay suggests. “When we get back, I know a tiny little restaurant…excellent food. We could practice with the staff.”

“That sounds great.” Eggsy sighs. “Anything we need to know, Merlin?”

“Oh, so I’m permitted to talk now?” Merlin snaps. Eggsy had turned the comm link back on as they landed, although Merlin could still speak to him through the speakers on the plane if he really needed to. Instead he’d focused on giving all his instructions to Kay. “Nothing seems out of the ordinary. If things go tits up, however, you may have to hotwire one of the trucks to get back to the airport.”

“No problem,” Eggsy says, and it’s true. He can do just about anything to any motorized vehicle. Hotwire, jump start, repair.

“And THAT’S something I’d like YOU to teach ME when we get back,” Kay says with a grin.

“Absolutely, mate,” Eggsy says. 

“Be careful, gentlemen,” Merlin says softly. Kay responds in the affirmative. Eggsy doesn’t respond at all.

The truck stops at a large campsite and they step out. Armed men are everywhere, and a large man in camouflage steps out from the shadows, eating a banana. “Welcome, gentlemen,” he says in English. “I understand you wish to look through my inventory.”

“Yes, thank you,” Kay says courteously.

“Why don’t you look and maybe I can peek around a bit?” Eggsy suggests as they walk over. 

“I don’t know, Gawain, we should stick together.”

“Trust me. I’m good at sneaking and peeking.” Eggsy smiles at the man in charge and holds out his hand to shake. He leads the two agents to a large tent full of ammunition, guns, and different bombs and grenades. He stands at Kay’s side as the men talk, and then he wince a bit. “Excuse me,” he says finally, and Kay stops talking. “Is there, uh, is there…are there facilities, or should I just go in the jungle.”

“Hell no,” the man says immediately. “Do that, and something’s likely to bite your dick off.” He waves to one of his men and rattles off an order.

The man salutes and motions for Eggsy to follow. Eggsy looks at Kay, who smiles encouragingly, although he still looks a bit apprehensive. The man leads Eggsy to a makeshift toilet. Eggsy nods his thanks and when the man turns around he shoots a dart into his neck. After he carefully places the man behind the toilet, Eggsy tiptoes to some of the other tents and peeks in. He doesn’t see much; they all seem to be living quarters. He gives up and decides to go back to where he’s supposed to be. 

As soon as he steps inside the large tent he feels the barrel of a gun against his kidney. He swallows hard. “Swear I only pissed…didn’t stink anything up!” He holds up his hands.

The man in charge is standing with a gun to Kay’s head. “You went poking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I didn’t!” Eggsy protests. “I went to the loo…that’s all. I’m not gonna wander around in the jungle at night…don’t care how many torches and lanterns you got.”

“So you went to the toilet and back?” Eggsy nods. “Oh.” The man relaxes. Kay has just enough time to give Eggsy a smile of relief before the bullet lands in his brain and he falls to the ground. “I’m sorry. I don’t believe you.”

Eggsy gapes at Kay for a millisecond before springing into action. He headbutts the man with the gun to his side, punches him in the face, and darts out of the tent. He rolls along the ground, thankful that he’s wearing dark clothing that blends in with the jungle night. “Jesus fuck, Merlin, they killed Kay fuckin’ shot him in the head, Jesus!”

“Get out of there, Gawain. Find a vehicle, get a gun, get out of there!”

“Tryin’ my best,” Eggsy growls. He finds it ironic that he left a tent full of weaponry and his hands are empty. Men are running everywhere, yelling and shining lights around. He manages to trip a man, knock him out, and steal his gun. He makes his way back to the original truck, slowly creeps into the cab, and reaches down to hotwire it. His head hits something and he grins. The idiots left the keys in the ignition. He briefly looks up, sees that he has a fairly straight shot out of camp, and starts the engine. He manages to get out of the campsite without having to lift his head too much, and he gives the accelerator everything he can while reaching out the window and shooting behind him. A bullet grazes his pinky finger but he doesn’t even feel it. He barely breathes until he’s roaring back into town and parking at the small airport.

“Kingsman jet at runway six. Just park the vehicle and get moving. I’ll clear everything with the authorities.”

“It’s my fault, we split up, it’s my fault. My stupid fuckin’ idea,” Eggsy babbles as he gets out of the truck. “Told him I should go look around, he tried to talk me out of it. He’s a senior agent why the FUCK did I think I knew more than he did?”

“Galahad, shut up,” Merlin yells. “I do not want to hear one more word from you tonight except to tell me you made it safely onto the jet. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy says immediately, responding to the cold control in Merlin’s voice.

He moves on autopilot, somehow making it to runway six and climbing onto the plane. He lets himself into the tiny loo and weeps, crumbling on the floor and leaning on the toilet. He cries until he vomits, spitting bile and regret into the bowl. Once he can stand up without feeling sick again, he washes his face, returns to the cabin, and buckles himself in. He taps at his glasses and informs Merlin that he’s safely on the jet.

 

Once he’s back at HQ he plods his way from the hanger feeling as if the weight of ten men was on his back. He goes to Merlin’s office to report but he’s not there. One of Merlin’s minions informs him that Merlin left as soon as Eggsy reported his safe return to the jet. Suddenly Eggsy’s not so tired. Eggsy had to watch Kay die and Merlin couldn’t even be buggered to stay at HQ and take his report?

He takes the train back to the shop and gets into Kingsman cab. When he leaves the shop he’s full of piss and vinegar, hands itching to take his pain out on someone. And he knows exactly who that someone is. When he gets out of the cab and it drives away, however, he’s suddenly exhausted. He’s not even sure he can lift his hands. But before he can turn around and try to find another cab to get home, Merlin’s front door opens.

“What a surprise,” Merlin says dryly. “Came home early…figured your sorry arse might show up here.” He cracks his knuckles. “Ready to have a go, then? Want to take it out on me? Because I’m more than ready to beat the every loving piss out of you, boy.”

Something savage rears its ugly head in Eggsy and he stands up straighter. “No.”

“No? Fight or fuck, lad. Can’t make it much plainer than that.”

Eggsy looks him in the eye and starts unbuttoning his jacket as he approaches the front door. He looks Merlin over from his bald head to his slippers. Eggsy stands on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. “Fuck.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are happily ignoring the events in the second movie. Statesman exists, Poppy doesn't, and our lovely Merlin is alive and well.

3

“Excuse me?” Merlin actually stares at him, standing with the door wide open.

“You heard me. Unless ya can’t get it up, old man.” Eggsy snickers. “Once ya see me naked, though, bet that’ll change real quick.” He winks at Merlin.

Eggsy thinks it’s the wink that does it. The door slams, a hand grabs his wrist, and he’s back against the door, arms pinned over his head. “I’m sure that cheeky little prick act has worked for you in the past, but it’s not going to work tonight. You’d better leave that cocky as fuck attitude right here at the door or this night is going to go very very badly for you. Am I making myself clear?” 

“I…”

“Am. I.” Merlin shoves a knee between Eggsy’s legs and drags it up over his clothed cock. “Making. Myself. Clear?”

“Yes,” Eggsy finally whispers, looking up into Merlin’s eyes. 

“Good. Now get your arse upstairs to the bath and take a shower. You’re filthy and God knows what you picked up in the jungle. I’ll not be sticking my cock anywhere that hasn’t been cleaned.”

“Who says you’ll be stickin’ yer cock anywhere at all?” Eggsy asks defiantly.

“I do.” Merlin slowly releases him. “And you will be saying it as well before I’m done with you.” 

Eggsy glares at him for a moment before stepping around him and heading for the stairs. He slowly starts up the steps and is shocked by a hard smack to his arse. “Tha fuck, Merlin? Yer hand made of cement?” He rubs his cheek and gives Merlin an angry look.

“The longer you take getting to my bed, lad, the longer I take before I let you come.”

Eggsy absolutely does not trot up the steps.

He quickly disrobes and showers, welcoming the hot water. He looks at his hand and realizes it’s bleeding, only then remembering that a bullet had grazed his finger. He scrubs down, dries off, and wraps the towel around his waist. He starts to call Merlin and ask for a first aid kit but decides to simply poke around until he finds a few plasters. He wraps his finger and carefully puts everything away.

He pads down the hall in bare feet until he finds the master bedroom. He tiptoes inside and freezes just inside the doorway. Merlin is standing next to the bed, naked as the day he was born, slowly stroking his very hard, very large cock. Eggsy’s eyes take in the drawn back covers, the lube and condoms on the nightstand. He slowly looks Merlin in the eye and raises an eyebrow. “That for me, then?”

“Perhaps. If you earn it.”

“Well, I don’t think…”

Merlin’s on him in an instant, towel flung across the room. “That’s right. You don’t think. I will be doing the thinking for the both of us. You’ll like it much better that way. And if it takes all night to fuck the cheek out of you, well, I have no problem calling in sick tomorrow.” He grabs Eggsy by the hair and kisses him, a long passionate kiss that has Eggsy gasping for breath.

“Kinda sexy how ya think yer tha boss of me even in the bedroom,” Eggsy says once his brain cells regroup.

“Oh, I don’t think it, I know it. I also know why you’re here. You want to relinquish control, want to let it all go. I’m more than happy to take care of that for you.” Eggsy rolls his eyes. “Oh, I’m going to enjoy this, lad.” He takes Eggsy by the hair again and leads him to the bed. Merlin sits down and spreads his legs a bit. “On your knees. It’s about time I shut you up.” He starts stroking his cock again.

Eggsy is defiant for only a moment, pausing before falling to his knees in front of Merlin. He drags his fingernails up Merlin’s thighs, making him hiss before he takes Merlin in hand. Both Merlin’s hands move to cradle the back of his head as Eggsy slowly takes him into his mouth. “Jesus…yer fuckin’ huge,” Eggsy moans, using both hands to stroke him. 

“And you like it, don’t you? Cockwhores like you always do.” Merlin smiles down at him, caressing his jaw as he starts to take Merlin in. He sucks just the head, little by little sliding his mouth down Merlin’s cock. He hasn’t deep-throated much and the last cock he’d had in his mouth was Harry’s…and it was nothing like this.

“Fuck…Merlin…” Eggsy gasps, saliva and pre-come running down his chin.

“That’s my boy. Take it…” Merlin guides himself in deeper until Eggsy chokes on his length. Eggsy wrestles his head away, panting for breath.

“Ain’t yer fuckin’ boy,” he says angrily. “Ain’t no one’s boy.”

Merlin studies him for just a moment. “Duly noted,” he says. “But for tonight, your mouth, your hands, your arse, all mine. So get MY mouth on my cock now or you’ll have to be content just watching me come before I send you home.”

“Jesus,” Eggsy says weakly, Merlin’s words and tone going right to his groin. He puts all his energy into sucking Merlin, stroking what he can’t fit in his mouth and occasionally humming around the hot skin.

“Oh yes…that’s a good lad…” Merlin’s hand fists in Eggsy’s hair and finally pulls him away. “You’ve earned a reward, that’s for sure. Stand up.”

Eggsy stands on wobbling legs, trying to breathe steadily again. He gasps as Merlin’s mouth envelopes him. “Jesus Christ!” He grunts, hands digging into Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin quickly removes them and pins them behind Eggsy’s back without moving his mouth away. His teeth gently graze along the sides of Eggsy’s cock and he shudders, legs quivering. He moans as Merlin licks down to his balls, gently lapping along each side until Eggsy’s whimpering. 

Merlin finally pulls away and stands up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “On the bed, my little slut.”

Eggsy wants to be angry at the word but he isn’t. All he can focus on is the size of Merlin’s cock, how hard and red it is, and how much he wants it inside of him. He climbs onto the bed and rolls onto his back. Merlin shakes his head, twirls his finger in the air, and Eggsy moves onto his stomach. Merlin yanks at his hips until he’s on his hands and knees. He watches Merlin lube his fingers and groans as the first finger slides inside. “Oh fuck yes,” Eggsy breathes.

“Feel good?”

“Yes, yes, Merlin.”

“Enjoy this…because it’s the last time I’ll go easy on you.” A hand presses at the back of Eggsy’s neck, pushing his hand down as a second finger scissors inside. 

By the time Merlin adds a third finger, Eggsy’s whimpering. “Please…oh fuck yes please…”

“I bet I could get you off with just my fingers fucking you, couldn’t I?” Merlin asks. He starts to slam the fingers in and Eggsy grunts, pushing back to meet them. “Hit just the right spot…” His finger finds Eggsy’s prostate and he howls. “Beg me some more, Eggsy.”

“What?” Eggsy pants, whining as Merlin removes his fingers. He hears the condom open and actually shivers.

“You came all this way ready to fuck. You’re wired from a mission, trying to come down. I had to listen to your pitiful ramblings after you left Kay to his death. So you’re going to beg for my cock.”

“I…” Kay’s smile jumps to his mind and he starts to sniffle. “Merlin…”

“Beg, little boy.” Eggsy feels the thick head of Merlin’s cock rubbing along his hole. “Beg me to take it all away.”

“Please…Jesus Christ, Merlin, please just fuck me, fuck my arse, please…fuck me into the damn bed, please…” Eggsy babbles.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Merlin shoves in with one stroke and Eggsy feels as if he’s being split open. “Fuck, boy, you’re so tight. So perfect.” His hand rubs over Eggsy’s arse cheek before he pulls all the way out and hits home again. 

“Yes, so good…so fuckin’ BIG, Merlin…”

“You like that, don’t you, Eggsy…pretty little thing like you, such a cockwhore…” Merlin teases him again with his cock.

“Yer tha one that said ya ain’t got all night so why don’t ya get on with it, old man,” Eggsy growls, shoving back to try to pull Merlin in.

That hand of steel connects with his arse again. “Such a mouth little brat, aren’t you?” Merlin places just the head of his cock inside of Eggsy. “Apologize.”

“I ain’t fuckin’ apologizin’ fer nothin’.” Eggsy tries to wriggle but suddenly those hands are at his hips, holding him still.

“Apologize or you don’t get what you want.” Merlin starts to pull out.

“M’sorry. M’sorry! Sorry, Merlin, didn’t mean it, please,” Eggsy sobs. His legs actually start to shake. “Give it to me, please.”

“What a polite lad.” Merlin slowly moves inside, but that’s the last time he moves in slow. He thrusts in again and again, ramming into Eggsy even as he pulls at his shoulders to yank him back onto his cock. Eggsy sobs, loving the burn, the feeling of fulfillment. It’s like Merlin said…he’s making it all go away. Eggsy buries his face in the bed as his muscles start to weaken. Merlin notices, of course; Merlin notices everything. He kneels back a bit, pulling Eggsy almost onto his lap. “There you go, lad. Ride my cock like this. Let me see you bounce on it.” He helps Eggsy, pulling up on his hips and then pushing them down.

“Yeah…fuck yeah…so deep Merlin, oh fuck that’s it…” Eggsy sees stars as Merlin’s cock finds that perfect spot.

“Oh, is that it? Good…take it…take it, Eggsy.” Merlin pinches his nipple until Eggsy yelps at the same time he bites down on Eggsy’s shoulder. 

“Merlin…gonna come…”

Merlin stops them both from moving and Eggsy actually whimpers. “No. You ask first. I told you…your pretty little arse is mine. You ask permission.”

“I ain’t gonna ask you fer…” Merlin gently touches Eggsy’s dripping cock, dipping his finger in the pre-come and softly rubbing it along Eggsy’s lips. Eggsy can’t help but run his tongue over them. 

“Ask permission.”

“Please…Merlin, wanna come, please…”

Merlin doesn’t move Eggsy up or down or anywhere. He simply keeps Eggsy seated on his cock and starts to stroke him. “That’s a good boy. Come, lad.” His hand moves hard and tight as he jacks him and Eggsy screams with pleasure when he finally comes. His entire body contracts, arse squeezing Merlin’s cock. Merlin growls, bites down on Eggsy’s neck, and Eggsy knows he’s coming as well.

Eggsy moans and pants for breath but the panting soon turns to sobbing. He makes no attempt to move, even as Merlin’s cock softens inside him. He buries his face in his hands and sobs, shoulders heaving. “Yer right…my fault he died…”

Merlin’s arms are warm and strong as they wrap around him from behind. “No,” he whispers in Eggsy’s ear. “I didn’t mean it. I was just talking to talk. I shouldn’t have said it. You didn’t lead him to his death, it wasn’t your fault. Shhh.”

“Ya didn’t see it…”

“Oh, but I did, Eggsy. Through your glasses.” Merlin holds him even tighter and rocks him a bit. “Trust me…I know all about leading agents to their death.” 

Merlin’s arms are comforting, but Eggsy soon feels awkward and nervous, constricted. He wiggles a bit and Merlin releases him. Eggsy slowly lifts up and falls forward onto the bed asMerlin stands and dispose of the condom. Once Eggsy can feel his bones again, he says, “I think I should go.” He carefully gets up and begins digging around for his clothing. “Oh yeah…in tha bath.” He picks up the towel and wraps it around his waist, wondering why he’s suddenly being so modest. He cannot meet Merlin’s eye.

“I could make you something to eat.”

“No. I just, thanks, but no. I gotta, I gotta go.” He trips over his own feet on the way out.

“Eggsy, I don’t think…”

“Yeah, please don’t. Don’t think. Not about me.” Eggsy finally meets Merlin’s eyes and growls at the pity he sees there. He lifts his chin and glares at him.

The eyes harden. “Very well. Be careful going home.” Merlin grabs a pair of pajama bottoms and yanks them on before heading out the door. 

When Eggsy’s dressed and coming down the stairs, there’s no trace of Merlin. He considers going to find him but then decides to simply go out the door and head for home. Once there, he crawls into the shower and sits on the floor under the hot water until it finally runs cold.

 

It’s four days before it happens again, although this time it’s Merlin who comes to him. Eggsy has shut himself up in Harry’s house, moving from room to room, alternating between tea and whiskey, occasionally nibbling on something that eventually comes up anyway. He’s seen death before, experienced danger before. Watching Kay lose his life right in front of him, DUE to Eggsy and his actions, is something he cannot wrap his mind around.

He’s done it again. He’s allowed Kingsman to become something GOOD in his life. He should really know better. Good things don’t last. Not for Eggsy Unwin. His father. A happy family life. Harry. Tilde. Nothing good lasts and he needs to remember that. He’s sure Merlin’s given the full report to Arthur, a kind and wise man who reminds Eggsy of Dumbledore in the Harry Potter movies. Eggsy’s fairly certain he doesn’t have a job anymore.

It’s around eight o’clock when a knock at the door startles him. He’s on the sofa in the parlor, aimlessly flipping through channels on the telly and wondering if he has any beer in the fridge. Harry’s whiskey has long run out. He tries to ignore the knocking but it turns into pounding and he pulls himself off the sofa with a groan.

“You,” he says with surprise as he opens the door.

“Me,” Merlin says simply. “It’s raining. Do you mind?”

“Right. Sorry.” Eggsy steps aside and lets him in. When he finishes locking the door and turns around, Merlin’s staring at him.

“Pitiful.” He shakes his head and heads for the parlor. He looks around the room, shakes his head again and turns off the television. Eggsy will admit that the room’s a bit of a mess; he’s been pretty much living in there for the past few days. “Disgusting.”

“Did ya need something, mate, or this just a social visit?” Eggsy snaps. He doesn’t need Merlin’s judgment.

“You haven’t been responding to calls or messages.”

“I’m on post-mission leave. Isn’t that a Kingsman requirement or sommat?”

“It is. You are given ample time to refuel, as it were, after a mission.” Merlin crosses his arms over his chest and Eggsy tries very hard not to notice how good he looks in the tight black jumper and jeans. “It’s NOT time for you to fucking wallow in self-pity.”

“You don’t know shite about what I’ve been doing here. Thanks for the visit, Merlin, but I think it’s time for you to leave.” Eggsy motions to the front door.

“I think it’s time for you to stop throwing yourself a bloody pity party. Agents die. It happens all the time.”

“It doesn’t happen ta me,” Eggsy says in a strangled tone. Merlin raises an eyebrow but says nothing. “He were nothin’ but nice ta me. I was a bitch ta him an’ he were still a fuckin’ gentleman. Knew best, didn’t he, an’ I fuckin’ ignored him. An’ now he’s dead.” Eggsy bites his lip so he doesn’t cry. “Was supposed ta teach ‘im how ta hotwire a car.”

“Poor Gawain…forced to be a grown-up,” Merlin says in a mocking tone. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, Eggsy, but life doesn’t always go the way we want it to.”

“You think that’s news ta me?” Think I wanted me Da ta go away ta you lot an’ never come back? Think I wanted my Mum ta marry a sadistic abusive prick? Think I wanted ta find a princess just ta have her turn around an’ marry a fuckin’ prince? Think I wanted ‘arry…” Eggsy swallows hard and shakes his head. 

“Harry would have been furious with you right now,” Merlin says.

“Oi, don’t fuckin’ talk about him.”

“Stop thinking about him as the man who fucked you and didn’t profess his undying love, Eggsy. Think of him as Galahad, agent of Kingsman. He would be furious with you and how you’re acting right now. Your self-pitying behavior.”

“Harry looked at me an’ saw potential…some bloody potential.” Eggsy leans against the back of the sofa and sighs.

“Yes he did.” Merlin cups Eggsy’s chin in his hand and forces him to look him in the eye. “He saw not only potential, but the ability to cope with anything Kingsman could throw at you. Do you think Harry never had to watch a fellow agent die? Do you think he never felt guilty about things he had to do in the name of Kingsman? He knew exactly what you’d be up against and chose you anyway. I realize you have a glorified picture of him in your mind, Eggsy, even after everything between the two of you, but do try to remove those rose-colored glasses for just a moment.”

Eggsy smacks Merlin’s hand away. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” Merlin snorts and puts his hand back at Eggsy’s face again. This time Eggsy punches it away and Merlin actually slaps him. Eggsy grabs Merlin’s arm and attempts to knee him in the groin, but Merlin’s too fast. He whips his arm in a tight circle, grabs Eggsy’s wrist and spins him around, pressing him against the back of the sofa. 

“I told you at my house that you have a choice…one or the other, not both. But we’re not AT my house, are we?” Merlin pins Eggsy’s wrist behind his back with one hand while the other fists in his hair. 

“Get off me.” But the words come out in a moan, Eggsy’s cock hard where it presses against the sofa. 

“You are an incredibly capable agent, Eggsy. I know you could very easily get away from me.” Merlin turns Eggsy’s head so he can kiss him. Eggsy whimpers before giving into the kiss, allowing Merlin to suck on his tongue. “You don’t want to get away. I don’t even need to ask what your choice is.” Merlin releases Eggsy so he can yank the shirt over Eggsy’s head. His hips keep Eggsy in place and he can feel Merlin’s hard cock against his arse. Merlin takes Eggsy’s hands and places them on the back of the sofa. “Do not move these,” he orders.

Eggsy gasps as his trousers and pants drop to the floor, Merlin spreading his legs as far as the bunched up fabric will allow. Merlin’s fingernails drag down Eggsy’s back and he hisses, bowing his head against the pain. He gasps again as he feels Merlin kneel on the floor behind him, yelping when Merlin’s hand connects with his arse. “Fuck!” Eggsy yells.

“Eventually,” Merlin murmurs. His mouth gently works over the pink skin before biting down. Eggsy wriggles and moans. “I love how responsive you are, lad. You hide nothing when you’re like this…I can read your thoughts.”

“Fuck off,” Eggsy snaps. “Don’t need ta read that thought, I’ll tell ya.”

“Before I leave you’ll be screaming my name with that cheeky little mouth of yours,” Merlin promises. 

Eggsy starts to snarl a reply but is frozen by the sensation of Merlin’s tongue working down his spine. He carefully laves it around each bone before his hands squeeze Eggsy’s arse and spreads it. “Oh, sweet Jesus…” Eggsy gasps, head dropping against his chest. “God…”

“I give you permission to say His name along with mine,” Merlin murmurs with a chuckle. He tongue swipes down over Eggsy’s hole, over the bottom of his balls and back up again.

“God…fucking hell…” Eggsy whimpers. Merlin’s tongue is like a wicked flame, flattening against his sensitive skin before soaking everything and then darting inside. Eggsy steps up onto his toes, unable to stop himself, before Merlin’s hands clench at his waist and pull him back down.

“Can’t you EVER stay still?”

“Make me,” Eggsy retorts.

Merlin stills for a moment, and then very gently drags his tongue across Eggsy’s opening again. “If you move I stop.” The evil tongue flutters a bit before going still again.

Eggsy slowly puts all his weight down on his heels. “Don’t…don’t stop…”

“That’s what I thought.” 

Eggsy forces himself to remain still as Merlin’s tongue continues to wreck him. His cock is rock hard, occasionally rubbing along the top of the sofa. His hands clench the sofa so hard his fingers hurt. “Please,” Eggsy whispers. “Please, Merlin.”

“That’s a good boy. That’s what I like to hear.” Merlin slowly stands, his tongue dancing up Eggsy’s spine again before he bites down on Eggsy’s shoulder. Eggsy keeps his eyes closed, listening as Merlin gets something from his pocket before shoving his own jeans and pants to the floor. A condom is placed within Eggsy’s eyesight on the back of the sofa, and he hears a small packet open. Two fingers slide inside of him and he whimpers a little.

“Always…prepared…” he manages to grunt.

“For you, lad? Yes. Always.” 

The words are strangely tender and Eggsy pushes that thought far from his mind. Merlin wastes no time getting him open and ready, and the condom is swiped away and opened. Eggsy groans as Merlin pushes inside, hands tight on Eggsy’s hips. “Fuck…”

“You are a gift, lad,” Merlin manages as he gets all the way in. “One I love receiving again and again.” He pulls out completely before shoving inside once more.

They both remain quiet, the labored breathing and slap of skin on skin the only sounds in the room. Merlin swivels his hips a bit and hits just the right spot. Eggsy whines, sweat sliding down his back. “Merlin…so close…” He twitches a bit, cock rubbing against the back of the sofa. It’s not quite comfortable but it’s all he has.

“Don’t come, Eggsy…I’ll take care of you but I come first,” Merlin growls in his ear. Eggsy clenches every muscle in his body trying to hold back and Merlin comes with a shout, biting down on Eggsy’s shoulder and sucking. As soon as he catches his breath, he pulls out, turns Eggsy around, and falls to his knees.

“Merlin…” It’s so strange not having hair to grab onto, and Eggsy feels odd digging his fingers into the bald head. Instead he keeps his hands on the back of the sofa, leaning away a bit, head thrown back.

“That’s it, lad…” Merlin swallows him down and Eggsy cries out, almost kneeing Merlin in the face. Merlin’s hand moves with his mouth and suddenly Eggsy’s coming down Merlin’s throat. Merlin pulls away and stands but Eggsy doesn’t move, still clutching the sofa with his eyes closed. Tears swell in his eyes and he bites back a sob. “You are a Kingsman agent, Eggsy Unwin. Start acting like one.” Eggsy turns around, unable to look at him. He’s still bent over the sofa, face in his hands, when Merlin goes out the door. 

 

Eggsy returns to HQ and decides to take Merlin’s advice. He IS a Kingsman agent. Death happens, danger happens. Most agents don’t have happy endings…that should be something he’s quite used to by now.

He and Merlin have one more encounter after the night in Eggsy’s parlor. This time it’s Eggsy who goes to give Merlin what he needs. Lamorak is taken captive, and Merlin stays awake for eighteen hours trying to get the extraction team ready and on location. Eggsy can only imagine what Merlin’s feeling. Merlin prides himself on his control, that much is obvious, and this mission went out of control quite quickly.

When he shows up on Merlin’s doorstep, Merlin looks like death warmed over. It’s obvious he still hasn’t slept, and this angers Eggsy a little. “What?” Merlin snaps.

“Thought you know what you was doin’,” Eggsy says, grabbing Merlin by the shirt and dragging him towards the steps. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, was this yer first day on tha job?” 

“Don’t presume to know my job, pup,” Merlin retorts, almost tripping over Eggsy as they stumble down the stairs.

“One of us should try to know it,” Eggsy shoots back.

This time they don’t even make it to the ring, or even remove any of their clothing. Eggsy receives a shot to the kidneys by the bottom of the steps and he responds with a nice uppercut to Merlin’s jaw. Merlin doesn’t give it his all this time, however; his punches and kicks punctuated with muttered phrases like “I didn’t see that coming” and “it wasn’t on the schematics.” By the time they’re both wheezing for breath it’s Merlin on the ground with Eggsy standing over him. 

“Go tha fuck ta bed, Merlin, or I will beat you unconscious an’ drag ya there myself,” Eggsy yells, taking Merlin’s arm and yanking him to his feet. 

“I will…I promise…I’ll clean up and go to bed,” Merlin whispers.

“Good. An’ stay tha fuck home fer tha next few days. I see ya in tha office I’ll kick yer bald arse, don’t care who knows about it.”

“Right. Swear down,” Merlin promises and Eggsy bites back a grin. He nods once and leaves, feeling a strange sense of accomplishment. He wonders if he should start seeing the Kingsman therapist.

 

A week later Arthur summons him to his office. Eggsy straightens his tie and takes a few deep breaths before he knocks on the door. “Enter, Gawain.”

“Good morning, Arthur,” Eggsy says respectfully. His eyes widen as he sees Merlin already seated at one side of Arthur’s desk, and he begins to panic. Perhaps his approaching Merlin at home was a bad idea. Maybe Merlin was embarrassed, felt Eggsy had overstepped his bounds. Merlin’s quite high up in the organization, of course, and he knows one word from him in Arthur’s ear is enough to finish Eggsy forever. He wonders vaguely what kind of severance package Kingsman might offer when they fire someone. 

“Please have a seat,” Arthur says.

Eggsy slowly sits next to Merlin, taking a chance and meeting the other man’s eye. Merlin slightly shakes his head and makes a face. Obviously this isn’t a meeting he’s had anything to do with. He looks as confused as Eggsy feels. “Is there something wrong, sir?”

“No, Gawain. On the contrary, I have very good news for the two of you. I need you to go on a mission together.”

“Together?” Eggsy says at the same time Merlin says, “Me, on a mission?”

“Yes. This requires specially handling, and you two are…” Arthur shakes his head. “No. That’s ridiculous. It’s quite sensitive, and quite personal for your both.” They look at each other and then look back at him.”

“Sir?” Merlin asks.

“Galahad is alive.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue/events in this chapter are part fictional, part pulled from the movie itself. Thank goodness for youtube, as I don't own the actual movie. I could watch the "Harry gets his memory back" scene every day.

4

Eggsy’s certain he’s misheard Arthur and shakes his head a bit. “I’m sorry, sir?” Merlin asks. Good. Merlin misheard him as well. “Did you say…?”

“Yes. Galahad…Harry Hart…is alive.”

“Jesus,” Eggsy whispers, the loudest noise he’s capable of making right now.

“How…” Merlin begins, his voice quivering a bit.

“We weren’t the only ones suspicious of Valentine, apparently. We have a sister agency in the States by the name of Statesman.”

“Original,” Eggsy mutters. Merlin glares at him.

“I’ve never heard of them, sir,” Merlin says.

“You wouldn’t. The only time you would have been privy to that sort of information is if something happened to Arthur and you had to invoke the Doomsday Protocol. Merlin is then permitted to know all the secrets of Kingsman. I didn’t know about the group myself until I started reading through some of the top secret information available for Arthur’s eyes only.” Arthur draws a ragged breath. “At any rate, Statesman was tracking Valentine and followed him to the church in Kentucky. They arrived there a few minutes too late to keep Galahad from getting shot, but they were able to provide medical care once Valentine and his group were gone.”

“I…I saw him get shot in the head, sir,” Eggsy says quietly. “How can they provide medical care for that?”

“Some sort of magic…thing.” Arthur waves his hand in the air. “Don’t ask me those difficult questions, Gawain. It’s not my job to understand the wonders of science. All I know is that they have him. They couldn’t identify him…he had false papers on him, of course…and then once he woke up he couldn’t tell them who he was. Their Merlin, a charming young lady named Ginger, she’s the one who put two and two together by inspecting his suit and running the Kingsman label through their library.”

“Pardon the interruption, sir, but did you say he couldn’t tell them who he was?” Merlin asks.

“God,” Eggsy whimpers. A gun wound to the head…Harry could be a vegetable.

“Apparently he’s lost his memory. He knows his real name and has given it to them, but he believes he’s a young man…perhaps eighteen to twenty. He believes he’s going to be a lepidopterist.”

Eggsy clenches his hands so tight his fingernails dig into his palm. Harry…his Harry…believing he’s younger than Eggsy? “What…what would you like us to do, sir?”

“You and Merlin will go to the States and retrieve Galahad. We need to figure out the extent of his amnesia and what it means to Kingsman.”

“What if he regains his memory?” Merlin asks firmly.

“If he regains his memory he will go through all the usual testing and protocols, and then he will be returned to the Table, if he’s physically and mentally capable.”

“I see. With your permission, then, sir, we’ll prepare to leave.” Merlin stands and Eggsy quickly jumps to his feet as well. 

“Permission granted. Safe travels, gentlemen.”

They nod and leave the room. Eggsy’s a little surprised at how abruptly Merlin ended their meeting with Arthur, of all people. “Merlin, what tha fuck’s goin’ on?”

“We’ll talk on the plane. Go pack a bag as quickly as you can and meet me in the hangar.”

“Merlin, I need ta…”

“Gawain.” Merlin stops walking and glares at him. “Do as you’re told.”

That commanding tone turns Eggsy’s insides to butter. “Yes, sir,” he says immediately, turning on his heel and heading for his office.

 

He arrives at the hangar an hour later and Merlin’s already there, speaking to the pilot. Eggsy stows his gear and removes his jacket, settling in for the twelve hour flight. Merlin nods at him, takes a seat across the plane, and starts tapping at his computer. All right then. Apparently they’re not talking quite yet.

Eggsy stares into space as the engines fire up, thinking of Harry. Does he remember anything about Eggsy? About Merlin? Probably not, if he thinks he’s twenty years old. Did Harry and Merlin know each other at twenty? He tries to imagine Merlin at twenty. He would have had hair, probably dark. Did it curl? Was it wavy?

“Gawain.”

Eggsy jumps at the sound of his voice, blushing as if Merlin could read his thoughts. “Yes?”

“I believe you wanted to ask me something?” Merlin closes his laptop and looks at him.

“What? Oh, yeah. You jumped up pretty fuckin’ quick earlier…what’s going on?”

Merlin sighs. “Think about what Arthur said, lad. We need to find out the extent of Harry’s amnesia and what it means to Kingsman?”

“Well, if he doesn’t get his memory back, what’s the big deal to…oh fuck.” Eggsy’s mouth drops open. 

“Exactly. Even if he doesn’t regain his memory now, what if he gets it back three years from now? He’s sitting around somewhere and starts talking about Kingsman and HQ and Arthur. The agency couldn’t take that chance.”

“Jesus fuck, Merlin…would they…would they kill him?”

“It is a distinct possibility,” Merlin replies and Eggsy’s mouth goes dry. “We will just have to do everything we can to jump start his memory.”

“I’m fuckin’ aces at jump startin’ shite,” Eggsy says confidently. 

Merlin slowly smiles at him. “I’m counting on that.”

 

Things don’t go quite according to plan. Apparently Statesman didn’t get the memo regarding their arrival, and they’re met in the distillery by a handsome young man who ties them to chairs and threatens to set their dicks on fire. A screen lifts, they’re looking at Harry Hart, and suddenly Eggsy doesn’t care if he loses his cock entirely.

“Wait!” A woman’s voice cries, and suddenly everyone’s apologizing, wiping them off, shaking their hands.

The woman is Ginger, the young man is Tequila (really, these names) and inside the room in front of them is Harry Hart, who thinks he’s twenty years old with his whole life ahead of him. Harry Hart, who has a black patch over one of his beautiful brown eyes. “Has he remembered anything else?” Merlin asks, finally taking the towel from Ginger to keep her from rubbing at his groin yet again. Eggsy growls at her a bit. Merlin’s eyes widen but he says nothing. 

“Unfortunately not,” she says regretfully. But she brightens. “Perhaps the two of you could trigger something.”

“Perhaps.” Merlin takes a deep breath. “Gawain…”

There’s no stopping Eggsy. He rushes into the other room, almost running at Harry. “Harry!” He tries to embrace Harry, who shoves him away.

Merlin approaches more slowly. He holds out a hand and greets Harry, who says hello and shakes the offered hand. “Have we met before?” Harry asks politely, looking a little frightened.

“Harry…it’s fine. It’s okay. They know that we know you,” Eggsy says, trying to keep his heartbreak off his face.

“I’m sorry…there must be some mistake.” Harry actually does look sorry.

“It’s been a long time, Harry. I need to get my brogues resoled.” Merlin speaks slowly and carefully.

“Yeah…and my Oxfords are done in as well,” Eggsy adds. Harry has to know. He HAS to remember.

“Why are you telling me about your shoes?” Harry asks, looking thoroughly confused. Eggsy’s heart officially breaks then, and he doesn’t care who sees it. “I’m a lepidopterist.”

“You’re a what?” Eggsy stammers.

“I study butterflies.” Harry smiles proudly, motioning to the hundreds of drawings and diagrams on the walls.

“You wanted to be, before you joined the Army, but…” Merlin comes over to Harry. “Harry, look at me.” He has Harry follow his finger with his good eye. “It’s good to see you,” Merlin says finally. He touches Harry’s shoulder. “We’ll be back again soon.” He guides Eggsy out of the room before he can say anything else. 

“I’m so sorry,” Ginger says immediately. “We’ll keep working, keep trying to find a way.”

“We’ve set you up with a couple of rooms upstairs,” Tequila says generously. “Figure you’d wanna stay close.”

“You’re too kind,” Merlin says. Eggsy says nothing. He can’t. His brain won’t connect to his mouth; all it wants to do is scream Harry’s name.

They follow Tequila upstairs. “All bedrooms and suites up here,” he informs them. “Little cafeteria at the end of the hall, open twenty-four hours.”

“I don’t think we’ll need suites,” Merlin says. “You’ve been too hospitable already. Wherever you put us is fine.”

They show Merlin to a room near the cafeteria. Eggsy is led to the opposite end of the floor, to a very nice corner room with large windows that look out over the distillery and the adjoining countryside. “That button right there is an intercom…you need anything you call,” Tequila tells him. “We’ll have some casual clothing sent up.”

“You don’t know my size,” Eggsy says faintly, staring out the window.

“Scanners when you entered the building. We know your size,” Tequila says with a grin. Eggsy doesn’t respond. “Well, then. We’ll let you settle in…come up for you tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you,” Eggsy says at the last minute.

He slowly disrobes and goes into the shower. He stands under the water for a long time, staring at the wall. He’d been furious with Harry, furious about the way they’d left each other, furious about the way that Harry apparently only saw him as a quick lay. All that’s gone now. He just stares at the wall, wondering if Harry’s life was actually on a timer.

When he reenters the bedroom he sees a pile of clothing on the bed. Track pants, a vest, a sweatshirt. He smiles a bit as he realizes they fit perfectly. He sits down on the bed and stares at the pair of trainers on the floor. He’s suddenly so tired but cannot bear the thought of crawling into this bed. He puts on the trainers and leaves the room.

He doesn’t realize he’s heading for Merlin’s room until he’s knocking at the door. Merlin opens the door and simply looks at him. “I need…I can’t…” Eggsy stutters, his lips trembling. “You decide. Whichever you want. I don’t care. Either one.” Eggsy’s hands clench and release at his sides.

“Neither, lad,” Merlin says quietly. He puts a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder and tugs him into the room.

“Please, Merlin, I can’t…my brain…”

“I know.” 

Merlin leads him to the bedroom and very gently undresses him. He helps Eggsy out of the trainers and pulls off the socks. He unwinds him from the sweatshirt and vest, and tenderly slides the pants and trousers down. Once Eggsy’s naked Merlin tucks him into bed, then undresses himself. He slides under the covers next to Eggsy. Only then does he realize they’ve never truly laid down in a bed together. “Merlin…”

“Is this all right, Eggsy?” Merlin slowly wraps his arms around him.

Eggsy buries his face in Merlin’s chest. “Yes,” he manages before the tears come. He’s quickly sobbing but is able to feel the heave of Merlin’s chest as well. He remembers that Harry is Merlin’s best friend. Eggsy’s known Harry for a few years; Merlin’s known him for decades. He wraps himself around Merlin as well and they cry together. Merlin’s hand gently rubs up and down Eggsy’s back, the softest Merlin has ever touched him. Before he can think twice about it, Eggsy places the whisper of a kiss over Merlin’s heart. They lay naked together, holding each other until they finally fall asleep a few hours later.

 

They meet with Ginger and Tequila again the next morning. Eggsy’d gotten up around four and returned to his own room to shower and change. Neither he nor Merlin mention the night before. It’s become their modus operandi. Whatever happens, they don’t talk about it.

“I have some ideas as to how we might be able to trigger Harry’s memory,” she says. “Theories more than anything.

Eggsy doesn’t need to hear it. He doesn’t need to hear them treat Harry like a fucking science experiment. Merlin looks eager, however, and Eggsy’s not surprised. “Don’t need me there,” Eggsy says quickly. “I can barely spell theory. Gotta be something else I can do to stay out of your hair.” His eyes go up to Merlin’s bald head and he winks.

“You’re the reason my hair fell out, Gawain, didn’t you know?” Merlin retorts and Ginger laughs. 

“Have you ever ridden a horse?” Tequila asks Eggsy.

Eggsy wants to laugh. Not too many horses round the estates. Instead he says, “No, mate, except on a carousel.”

“Wanna learn?” The cowboy gives him a cocky smile and he’s enthralled.

“Yeah, sure. Good way to keep me out of trouble, I suppose.”

“You find trouble no matter where you go,” Merlin says, looking from Tequila to Eggsy and frowning.

“Got some special togs for me, then?” Eggsy gives Merlin an odd look. It occurs to him that Merlin actually looks jealous, but he dismisses that immediately.

“Togs?”

“Clothing,” Merlin tells Tequila. “Whatever you wear for riding out here. Cowboy boots…jeans…a hat…”

“I am NOT wearing cowboy boots,” Eggsy says. “Christ, no.”

“Well, I’m sure we can rustle up something,” Tequila says with a lazy grin.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Eggsy says seriously to Merlin. Merlin looks tired and they’re both still raw on the inside.

“No, lad, I’m fine.” Merlin gives him a fond smile. 

“If anything happens…”

“I’ll contact you, I promise,” Merlin says. “Go be a cowboy.”

“Yessir.” Eggsy pretends to tip an imaginary cowboy hat and Merlin rolls his eyes.

It’s nice to be out in the fresh air, in the beautiful country around the distillery. That’s the ONLY part that’s nice. Eggsy feels like he’s off the horse more than he’s on it, and by the end of their lesson his arse is on fire and his thighs are killing him. People do this for a living?

“You did pretty good, kid. Good effort, anyway,” Tequila says as they walk the horses back to the stable. Well, Tequila walks. Eggsy limps.

“Thanks for the lesson. I tried…guess I’m just a city boy at heart.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Tequila puts a hand on his shoulder, leaving it there a bit longer than necessary. Eggsy politely shrugs away from it. A year or so earlier he would have jumped at the chance to roll around in the hay a bit with a man like Tequila. But not now. Not with everything going on inside the building.

Eggsy immediately goes to the observation room and is shocked to see Harry changing out of wet clothing. His bed is wet, his hair is wet, and the floor is soaked. “You flooded the room?”

“We’re looking to reboot his brain, as it were,” Ginger says sadly. “We thought reliving a traumatic experience…Merlin suggested the water.”

“Where is he?”

“I believe he went back to his room to have lunch.”

Eggsy hurries upstairs, not even stopping at his own room to change clothes. Merlin stares at him in shock when he opens the door. “Did you even get ON the horse?”

“I got on tha horse a lot,” Eggsy says defensively as he comes in. “I just didn’t STAY on tha horse.”

A smile twitches at the corner of Merlin’s mouth. “I see.”

“Tell me.” Eggsy leans against the closed door.

“It was…painful. He was so scared, Eggsy.” Merlin falls onto the closest chair. “Screaming for help, thrashing in the water…and then he took a last breath and let himself flail about.” He sighs, rubbing at his head. “I felt horrible.”

“You was doin’ fer a good reason, bruv. Weren’t tryin’ ta torture him ta get yer fuckin’ jollies,” Eggsy tells him. 

“I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to come up with something…I just don’t know. I’m not a neurologist.”

“Yer brilliant, Merlin, smartest person I’ve ever met. You’ll figure it out, swear down.” Eggsy hesitates before rubbing his hand over the top of Merlin’s bowed head. “I have faith in ya.”

“Thank you, Eggsy.” Merlin looks up and his face holds a little less pain.

“Want me ta have lunch with ya?”

“No, I think I’d rather be alone right now, if it’s all the same to you. And it looks like you need to clean up a bit.”

“Ya sayin’ I’m filthy?” The words come out much dirtier than he intended.

“Oh, I know you’re filthy, Eggsy. But you might want to change clothes.” Merlin gives him a smile and Eggsy feels a little better.

They meet with Ginger later in the afternoon, playing out all sorts of scenarios as to what might jar Harry’s memories. Eggsy knows it’s difficult for Merlin; it’s definitely difficult for Eggsy. They brainstorm into the evening but come up with nothing. Finally Merlin and Ginger decide that the best thing to do is send Harry back to England. Perhaps something there will jump start his memory. Merlin retires to his room again, and this time Eggsy doesn’t go knocking on his door. He borrows a Kingsman vehicle, boots up the GPS on his phone, and goes for a long drive. He finds himself at a bar down the road, drinking the swill that Americans think is decent alcohol. He scrolls through the pictures on his phone, stopping on one of Tilde surrounded by puppies at a park. He frowns…he thought he’d deleted all her pictures. It was a memory of a nice day, however. They’d gone to the park and some animal rescue was having a fair, trying to get people to adopt dogs. She’d gone to the ground immediately and the puppies had run all over her. 

Puppies.

 

Eggsy lets himself into Harry’s room early the next morning, carrying the sweet little puppy in his arms and trying to keep him calm. It’s not too difficult; apparently the puppy is not an early riser and stays content in Eggsy’s arms. As he enters the room, Harry opens his eye, sits up quickly, and stares at him. 

“It’s all right,” Eggsy says in what he hopes is a friendly tone. “Don’t panic…just thought I’d bring you a little leaving present.” He smiles down at the dog. “What do you think? He’s lovely, isn’t he?” Harry smiles and sighs a bit. “Would you like to hold him?” Harry eagerly reaches out for the puppy, holding him up and grinning. Eggsy has never seen this grin before…Harry looks so innocent, so happy. That’s why it physically pains Eggsy to slowly bring his gun up and point it at the dog. “Do you think I should shoot him?” His voice is no longer friendly. It’s Gawain’s voice, the voice that speaks to men before he ends their lives.

Harry, of course, goes ballistic, almost falling off the bed in his haste to get away from Eggsy and his gun. “Are you quite mad?” He yells.

“What? What’s the problem?” Eggsy chases Harry across the room. 

“No, you can’t!”

“What?”

“No, you’ll have to shoot me!” Harry yells, dancing back around the bed.

“What, shoot you? Oh, I will shoot you!” Eggsy says, drawing on the anger he’d felt towards Harry after hearing the phone conversation.

“No one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

“What about you, Harry? You were sick enough to shoot a puppy. Do you remember?”

Harry cowers in fear against the wall and Eggsy wishes he could shoot himself. But suddenly Harry no longer looks scared. As he covers his face with his arm, he looks confused. He’s definitely seeing something that Eggsy can’t, and Eggsy’s hand trembles a bit as he holds the gun. Eggsy slowly nods at him. “It was a blank.”

“Yes, Harry…yes!” Eggsy almost yells.

“It was a fucking blank!”

“That’s right, Harry, it was a blank.”

“I would never hurt Mr. Pickle!”

“YES, HARRY!” Eggsy screams.

“He lived up to a ripe old age, and died of pancreatitis!” Harry looks down at the puppy. “You’re not Mr. Pickle.”

Eggsy watches Harry’s face, relief washing over him. He knows it even before Harry says it. “Hello, Eggsy.”

“Hello, Harry,” Eggsy just barely manages before he’s putting his arms around him. He stands on tiptoe, pressing himself against Harry.

“Eggsy,” Harry says softly and Eggsy almost melts against him. Harry’s arms feel so very familiar, even if it isn’t the strong embrace he remembers.

Harry starts to pull away, rambling about Valentine. Eggsy soothes him, explaining that everything’s all right. And then they hear the door open and Merlin is standing there. “Well, well. I suppose I should cancel that taxi.”

“Yes…if you don’t mind, Merlin.”

Merlin looks from Eggsy to Harry, obviously pleased. His smile briefly holds a note of sadness before he hides it away. “Welcome back…Galahad.”


	5. Chapter 5

5

The rest of that day passes in a blur. Merlin spends over two hours on the phone with Arthur, discussing Harry and what they should do next. Harry spends the time with the Statesman medical team, doing test after test after test. He asks that Eggsy stay by him; now that he knows who he is, he’s a little nervous around the strange organization. Eggsy complies, but only because he knows Merlin wishes he could be there to keep an eye on his friend. 

Eggsy’s not exactly sure what to think. He’s relieved Harry is back and in his right mind, of course…even though Harry’d broken his heart, it didn’t mean Eggsy wished amnesia on him. Especially when that amnesia could have led him to an early death by the hands of Kingsman agents. Harry is quiet and polite and does everything the doctors ask him to, but sometimes Eggsy sees the old arrogance, the posh attitude. Sometimes he tilts his head and looks at the doctor as if this is all a waste of his time. Other times he looks at Eggsy and rolls his eyes as if to say it’s really all too much and doesn’t Eggsy agree?

After his phone call Merlin comes in and meets with Ginger and the head of the medical team. Eggsy can’t hear what they’re saying but Merlin’s waving his hands around and Ginger seems to be playing intermediary. The other doctors give Harry a break and he sits down next to Eggsy, bottle of water in hand. “Now I know how lab rats feel,” he comments. 

“We just want to make sure you are in the best health you can be,” Eggsy says lamely.

Harry turns and looks at him. Eggsy’s finally stopped noticing the eye patch, although he knows Harry’s a bit self-conscious about it. The good eye studies him, running over him from head to toe. Eggsy blushes and hates himself for it. “Well well, listen to you. You look like a knight…speak like a knight…”

“Even have the name of a knight…Gawain.”

“So Merlin told me.” Harry gives him a smile, the same smile tinged with warmth that he always gave Eggsy. Eggsy’s not so sure he trusts it anymore, not after what he heard on the phone call. “I’m very proud of you, Gawain.” His tone is sincere, and Eggsy decides to accept it as such.

“Thank you, sir.”

“I mean it. You’ve exceeded all my expectations for you.” Harry puts a hand on his leg and squeezes gently.

“I don’t know about that.” Eggsy doesn’t look away and Harry gives him an odd look.

Merlin ambles over. “Well, gentlemen, it looks like we’ll be wheels up at eight o’clock tonight. Flying overnight is never preferred, but Arthur would like you back at HQ with as little fanfare as possible.” 

“Of course. Can’t have the rogue agent coming in to a parade,” Harry says wryly.

“Harry, everyone still thinks you’re dead. You just waltzing in there will cause a lot of questions,” Eggsy points out. “Plus, I’m sure…” He looks at Merlin.

Merlin has no problem bearing the bad news. “Arthur wants the Kingsman doctors to run tests as well. You know too much, Harry. He cannot take the chance.”

“I understand.” He looks at them. “Did you really think I was dead?”

“Course we did,” Eggsy says immediately, realizing that he’d spoken for Merlin. “I mean…I…”

“Yes, we did,” Merlin says quietly. “It’s been two years, Harry, with no word of you.”

“I see.” He stands as one of the doctors starts in their direction. “Well, back to the poking and prodding. I look forward to the flight, actually. I believe we have a lot of catching up to do.”

 

Harry starts talking nonstop as soon as they’re up in the air. It’s as if he needs to make sure that everything he remembers is real. He asks them about Valentine first, and Merlin allows Eggsy to tell the story. Eggsy makes sure to tell Harry that he wasn’t the hero, that he and Roxy and Merlin worked as a team to save the world. 

“But you stabbed Giselle…you killed Valentine…you came up with the idea to…’

“Blow people’s heads off. Yeah, ‘arry, that were me, but…”

“Well, then, I’d say you were a hero.” Harry looks at Merlin. Merlin and Eggsy are at opposite ends of a sofa on the jet, and Harry is in a comfortable chair across from them. “Wouldn’t you agree, Merlin?”

“Absolutely,” Merlin says immediately. “And he wasn’t even officially a member of the Table. He did it because he’s a decent human being.”

“Yes he is.” Harry gives him a devilish smile and Eggsy blushes. He stares at his feet. “Merlin, do you remember that time before I was officially a member of the table…when we went to Rio on holiday?”

“Christ, don’t remind me,” Merlin groans, burying his face in his hands. “I’ve never been so drunk.”

“Oh, so that WAS a real memory!” Harry says happily.

“Ya gotta tell me, ‘arry.” Eggsy lapses into his true accent as he gets sleepy.

“Let’s just say the holiday started with a few drinks on the way from the airport to the hotel, and ended with Merlin in one bed with a young man and his boyfriend, and I was in the other bed with the boyfriend’s twin brother and his girlfriend.” 

“Jesus fuck!” Eggsy gasps, looking at Merlin. “If I was gonna remember somethin’, ‘arry, I think I’d pick that as well.”

“You almost got us arrested on that trip, if MY memory serves,” Merlin says with a slow grin.

“Shut up!” Eggsy says with delight, looking back at Harry.

“I might have broken into a car.”

“Two,” Merlin corrects.

“Yes, fine, two. And I might have left one in a creek.”

“POND,” Merlin corrects.

Eggsy can’t help but smile at the gleam in Merlin’s eye. He’s ecstatic to have his best friend back, and Eggsy would listen to every horrible phone call in the world to keep that gleam there, he realizes. 

They continue trading memories as Eggsy begins to yawn. There are small beds in the back of the jet but he doesn’t want to leave their tiny circle, the warm feeling of camaraderie. He wonders briefly if this was what family was like, where you just felt like home simply by being in the presence of people you cared about. His head snaps back once or twice as he nods off.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, lad, go to bed,” Merlin snaps. It’s his commanding voice, the one that turns Eggsy inside out. He swallows a whimper and glances at Harry.

“I’m not tired,” Eggsy says, yawning so big it almost splits his head in two. “I like listening to yer stories. Gives me ammunition for later.”

“Well, you’re making my neck hurt just looking at you.” Merlin reaches behind him and grabs one of the small cushions. He places it next to his leg. “Lay down.”

“Okay.” He kicks off his shoes and stretches out. His feet dangle uncomfortably from the end of the sofa and he wriggles a bit, placing the cushion half on Merlin’s lap.

Harry snorts and Merlin tells him to be quiet. Eggsy falls asleep listening to them bicker.

 

He awakens shortly before they land and gets himself together. As they exit the plane, Harry and Merlin go ahead of him, chattering as if they hadn’t just spent twelve hours together on a plane. Harry’s to report to medical immediately, of course, and Merlin’s obviously planning on accompanying him there. Eggsy falls behind a bit, and he frowns as he realizes they don’t even notice. 

Well. That’s how it is, then. Of course Merlin would choose Harry over him. They’re best friends. They’ve known each other for years. He’s a grown adult. He can handle being on his own. Been that way forever, hasn’t he? He stands in the hangar and takes a few deep breaths. Fuck Merlin.

He ignores the pain in his heart as he heads for Arthur’s office. He doesn’t need to report, really; Merlin’s been in contact with Arthur since they left, but he feels it’s only right. Arthur beckons him in, asks him to sit, and actually asks his opinion about Harry and his mental state. As twisted as Eggsy is about Harry, he would never do anything to jeopardize his place as Galahad. He gives honest answers and only answers the questions that Arthur asks. 

“Thank you, Gawain. I’m sure you’re ready to go home to your own bed.”

“That I am, sir.” Eggsy stands.

“You’ll have the standard down time before your next mission, of course.”

A thought occurs to Eggsy. “Sir…if I could be so bold as to ask for a favor?”

“One can only ask, Gawain,” Arthur says with a smile.

“Could…I know Merlin’s going to be busy with Galahad for a time, which is only right. I was wondering if you might put a word in with his staff regarding my next assignment.”

“Is there something in particular you’re looking for?”

“Not really…just something that requires me to be away for a longer time than usual.”

Arthur blinks at him. “I must say, Gawain, I’m surprised. You’ve never asked for long-term assignments before.”

“No, but I feel it’s about time I did. I’ve matured as an agent, and I think I’m ready.”

“Very well,” Arthur says, nodding in approval. “I’ll speak to Phoebe myself. It wouldn’t be before next week, mind you…I wouldn’t send you back out so soon after bringing Galahad in. I know it must’ve been very stressful for you.”

“You have no idea, sir,” Eggsy says truthfully.

 

Eggsy stays away from HQ for the next four days. He finds things to do around the house, helps his mother, even manages to spend an evening at the pub with Jamal and Brandon. A cute girl at the bar keeps giving him the eye, and at one time he might have gone back to her flat with her. It’s just not what he wants anymore. He’s not sure WHAT he wants. He buries his confusion in beer that night, and doesn’t have new answers in the morning when he wakes up alone and hungover in his bed.

He putters around the house that day, drinking tea and eating toast until he feels somewhat close to human again. He has to smile to himself when he remembers that back in the day he would spend every night at the pub doing that very same thing. He has a very different perspective on life now, although he still feels that hollow in his heart. He needs to stop letting the sunshine in, because the clouds come far too often and with a great deal of pain.

Banging on his front door around dinnertime makes him wince. “Jesus, I hate whoever you are,” he mutters to himself. He’s surprised to see Merlin on the other side of the door. “Uh, hello.”

“We need to talk.” Merlin shoves by him and Eggsy catches a blur of black leather. Black leather? Eggsy trots after him into the hallway and focuses. Black leather jacket. Black vest. Black jeans. Sweet Jesus Eggsy’s mouth waters.

“Please come in, Merlin,” he says instead. “May I offer you a hot beverage?”

“Oh, shut up,” Merlin snaps. “You have some explaining to do.”

“Well, can we do it a little quieter an’ sittin’ down? Still hungover, ain’t I. One helluva night at tha pub last night.” Merlin doesn’t need to know that he spent most of it silently drinking his beer, listening to his friends chatter and laugh. “Made some new friends,” he lies.

“Mature of you,” Merlin says. Eggsy leans against the wall and waits. “I think you owe me an explanation, as I said.”

“About…”

“Your request for assignment.”

“Oh, that.” Eggsy waves his hand in the air, although he inwardly winces. He was hoping Merlin wouldn’t catch wind of that until he was long gone. He should have known better. The Kingsman rumor mill is an amazing thing. “I was under tha impression that I could make requests any time I wanted.”

“Yes, you may do that.” Merlin studies him for a moment. “Why?”

“Why? Like I told Arthur, bruv, feelin’ ready fer somethin’ more long-term. Got nothin’ holdin’ me here, no family responsibilities. Rox don’t need me anymore, you don’t need me.” And that’s true. After V-day, Roxy and Merlin and Eggsy held each other up. It’s been long enough now that they don’t need it. At least he doesn’t think they need it. He’s positive he doesn’t need it.

“So you requested a long-term mission. From Arthur.”

“Right. Cuz I were already in his office…he asked me ta report on…on ‘arry.”

“I see. Did you purposefully make sure I wasn’t the one to take the request?”

Sometimes Eggsy really hates how observant Merlin is. “Well, you was busy. With ‘arry. So I just suggested that maybe Arthur should go to yer staff since you was busy. They’re tha best, you trained ‘em. So it weren’t no big deal, I figured.”

“No big deal, you figured,” Merlin echoes. “So I’m assuming, then, you had no thoughts as to how I might react when I found out you went behind my back?”

“I didn’t go behind yer back. Jesus, Merlin,” Eggsy says angrily. “Didn’t think you’d care, actually.”

“I am the head of the department that organizes missions and chooses the agents,” Merlin almost roars. “You asked Arthur, of all people, to go around me.”

“This is ridiculous,” Eggsy says, suddenly tired. “Ain’t in tha mood ta yell back an’ forth with ya, Merlin. Sorry if it got yer knickers in a twist. Didn’t know ya’d get yer feelings hurt. Like I said, you were busy with ‘arry.”

“And apparently that bothers you.”

“Look.” Eggsy presses away from the wall and gets in Merlin’s face. “Whatever you an’ ‘arry do ain’t my concern. He’s yer best mate, an’ if ya wanna spend all yer time makin’ sure he’s okay, that’s understandable. He’s a grown man, been a spy fuckin’ forever, but if ya wanna sit there an’ hold his hand, fine by me. But I gotta job ta do. An’ if ya can’t be bothered ta help me do it…”

Eggsy regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. He regrets them even more when Merlin grabs him by the shoulders and slams him back against the wall. “Nothing will ever get in the way of me doing my job, do you understand me? Even if I’m helping Harry, I’m still at my desk for hours afterwards, looking into things and making sure everything is running smoothly. How do you think I found out about you?” Eggsy looks up at him and shrugs. “Eggsy, you infuriate the hell out of me,” Merlin growls.

Eggsy smiles sweetly, just to infuriate him more. “It’s a gift.”

“Christ.” Merlin’s hands press into his shoulders as he glares down at him.

Eggsy knows this isn’t the moment to be a cheeky little shit, but he’s tired and has a headache and isn’t emotionally ready to deal with Merlin or Harry or anyone else. “Ya got three choices this time, Merlin. Fight…fuck…or get outta my house.”

“Harry’s house,” Merlin reminds him, and this time he’s the one with the sweet smile. “As soon as he’s cleared by Medical, he’ll probably want it back.”

“Prick,” Eggsy growls, and he’s not sure if he means Merlin or Harry.

“I’ve made my choice,” Merlin says, and his voice darkens to a soft purr in Eggsy’s ear. “I’m not going to bother fighting you. You’re worn out and hungover and I am not wasting my energy when you’re not at your best.” His hand slides down over the front of Eggsy’s track pants as his tongue finds the side of Eggsy’s neck. Eggsy whimpers and tilts his head to the side before he knows what he’s doing. Merlin chuckles and bites down. “Looks like you’re making the decision for me, aren’t you?”

This time it’s Eggsy that brings a knee up to rub against Merlin’s clothed cock. “Ain’t got nothin’ better ta do.”

“Christ.” Merlin licks Eggsy’s neck and suddenly his cock is in Merlin’s hand.

“Fuck.” Eggsy’s head falls back against the wall.

“Careful, lad. Can’t write off this sort of concussion as a workplace injury.” Merlin puts his other hand behind Eggsy’s head, softly cradling it against the wall. 

Eggsy’s hands shake as he undoes the button and zipper of Merlin’s jeans. “Appreciate tha concern,” Eggsy murmurs. Merlin is large and throbbing in his hand, precum dotting the top. Eggsy swipes his thumb through and uses it to help the slide of his hand. 

“So tell me…did your new friend last night do this to you?” Merlin whispers in his ear, his hand squeezing tightly as it strokes. “Press you up against the wall behind the bar…take your cock in his hand and stroke it?”

“Maybe it was a bird,” Eggsy pants, twisting his hand on the upstroke. “Maybe she were on her knees for me.”

“Isn’t that interesting.” Merlin licks Eggsy’s throat again. “Pity, though…because I know no woman can do for you what I can.”

“Izzat so?” Eggsy gasps. He can barely keep up the pace on Merlin’s cock. His words and his hand have Eggsy trembling.

“Yes. You’re a dirty little cockwhore, Eggsy, and I know it. You know it, too, and what I do for you no one else could ever hope to accomplish.” Merlin’s hand stops and Eggsy groans. “Isn’t that right?”

“Yer…not bad…” Eggsy manages. Merlin chuckles against his throat.

“Not bad. Well, I’m sorry to hear that.” He pulls away and pushes at Eggsy until he falls to his knees. “I’ll just let you continue, then.”

“Merlin, wait…” Eggsy babbles.

“I’m not good enough for you, apparently.” Merlin rubs his cock along Eggsy’s lips and Eggsy eagerly opens his mouth. “Use that pretty little mouth on me, lad, and maybe I’ll consider giving it another try.”

“Yes…yes, Merlin…” Eggsy gasps before using both hands to stroke Merlin and guide him into his mouth.

“Fuck, boy, you are perfect,” Merlin gasps, grabbing Eggsy’s hair with both hands. He pushes and pulls Eggsy’s head and soon he simply stops moving and allows Merlin to take control. His own cock is hard and weeping, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dripping on the floor. Merlin comes in his mouth, hot jets of come that choke Eggsy. He swallows what he can and wipes his hand over his mouth. Merlin yanks him up by the hair, presses him back against the wall again, and quickly strokes him until he comes on his trousers and stomach.

Eggsy pants for breath, head against Merlin’s strong chest. “Merlin, I…”

“Do you want to tell me why you requested a long-term assignment, lad?” Merlin whispers.

Eggsy’s world turns a little bit as he realizes he’s not truly sure. At the time, he was feeling rejected and lonely, and just wanted to go away. He doesn’t want to deal with Harry and the things he knows, doesn’t want to deal with readjusting to life with Harry in it. And he definitely doesn’t want to be faced with the knowledge that Merlin himself is becoming a bigger part of Eggsy’s life than he ever thought possible. He finally resorts to what he’s always done when life tries to turn him inside out. He shuts down and lies. “Just…tired of all the boring shite…wanted something new and exciting. Like I said, nothin’ keepin’ me here.”

Merlin takes a deep breath. “I see,” he says finally, sounding disappointed. “Well, I hope you realize how serious long-term assignments can be.” He pulls away, getting his jeans together as Eggsy tucks his own cock back in. “They can really do a number on you emotionally.”

“It’s all right, guv.” Eggsy tries to give him a cocky smile and hope he succeeds. “Used to that, ain’t I?”

“Of course.” Merlin straightens his jacket. “Phoebe will be preparing your mission, but I will sign off on it, just so you know. I’d like to meet with you a few times before you go.”

“Of course,” Eggsy echoes. “I understand.”

“Oh, and Harry’s been asking about you. I’m sure he’d like to see you before you’re sent away.”

“We’ll see.” Eggsy looks around. “Gotta box up my shite so he can have his house back, don’t I?”

“Eggsy, I’m sure he…”

“No. You were right. It’s his. It’s important that Harry gets what he wants, isn’t it? He’s Galahad. I’m just Gawain.”

“Eggsy, you…”

“Thank you for stopping by,” Eggsy says politely, going to the door. “I apologize if you felt I was stepping around you with Arthur.”

“Apology accepted.” Merlin looks at him for a moment as if he wants to stay something else. Instead he goes around Eggsy and out the door.

“Fuck.” Eggsy closes the door and leans his forehead against it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember, I warned you at the very beginning that Harry isn't a nice person in this. He proves it in this chapter.

6

“So, do you have any questions, Gawain?”

“No, Merlin, this is all crystal clear.” Eggsy closes the folder and nods. He then signs out of his laptop and closes that as well.

Merlin leans back in his chair and studies him. True to form, nothing is mentioned about the night he showed up at Eggsy’s house looking like sin in black leather. Eggsy absolutely does not tell him that he’s wanked to that memory twice since. “May I be honest with you, Gawain?”

“Of course, sir.”

“I…” Merlin shakes his head. “No. This is not about Merlin and Gawain. This is about you and I, Merlin and Eggsy.”

“Ever gonna tell me yer real name, guv?” Eggsy asks.

“When you’ve earned it,” Merlin says easily and Eggsy grins. “May I be honest with you, Eggsy, as your friend?”

“Of course.” Eggsy waits for the lecture. He’s had the feeling Merlin’s been waiting to give him one.

“Let me preface this by saying that what I wish to discuss has NOTHING to do with your performance as an agent. I think you know that I, more than anyone, respect everything you’ve done in the name of Kingsman. At such a young age, when you weren’t even part of the table for some of it. You have truly impressed me and I want you to know that.”

“Thanks, Merlin,” Eggsy says, blushing. 

“I just want to warn you…to ask that you be careful while you’re gone.” Eggsy opens his mouth. “I don’t mean regarding your physical well-being. You’re going to be reckless and stupid no matter what I say.” Eggsy tilts his head in acknowledgement of the truth. “You don’t deny that. Good.” Eggsy snickers. “I…in the brief time I was an agent in the field, I never had an assignment longer than four days. But I’ve watched agents who have, and I’ve been the handler for many of them. You know that. So while what I say is from purely an observational standpoint, I do feel I have a bit of experience in the matter.” Eggsy nods. “You’ll be on your own for months, Eggsy. Time away like that, where you have to live the life of someone else…it can really affect you. You start to believe the lies, start to truly live the life. You can forget why you’re there.” Merlin’s eyes are warm. “I don’t want to see that happen to you, Eggsy. I realize you haven’t had the happiest life, and I worry that you, more than anyone, might buy into the idea of a new world.”

Eggsy is briefly irritated. How dare Merlin even think he knows what Eggsy’s been through in his life? But then he realizes Merlin DOES know. Not only has he read every file ever created for Eggsy Unwin, but they’ve had many talks over fish and chips, and even over the comms when Eggsy’s waiting to make his move on a mission. That irritation quickly turns to a bit of awkward emotion. Does Merlin care that much?

“I appreciate that, Merlin,” he says softly.

“Again, I’m not underestimating you. While you have quite a large heart, I know it has many cracks and hidden places. I just…worry.”

“Merlin,” Eggsy says with a slow grin. “You gettin’ fond of me or sommat?”

“Of course not,” Merlin says, faking annoyance. “But if something happens to you out there, I’ll have to clean it all up. Dreadful bit of work.”

Eggsy grows serious. “Merlin, ain’t no one cared so much about me an’ my work ever, I don’t think. I appreciate it, like I said. Don’t see myself wantin’ ta stay on in the life of Jonah Stone, new money arsehole lookin’ ta make more money through money launderin’. Not really my cup o’tea. But I understand where yer comin’ from. Yer right…easy for me ta wanna throw it all away and start off new. But I got too much holdin’ me here…Kingsman…my mum an’ sister…my friends here.”

“I thought you took this assignment because you had nothing tying you here,” Merlin says slyly.

Eggsy wants to punch him. “That’s true…but those are the reasons why I’ll always come back.”

“I won’t be handling this, as you know,” Merlin says. “But I’ll be checking in with Phoebe on a regular basis. If it gets to be too much…”

“Oi,” Eggsy says angrily. “Ya don’t offer an out ta any other agent, do ya? Quit treatin’ me like a kid.”

“You’re right.” Merlin nods. “My apologies. That’s all I wanted to say, really. Oh…Harry would like to see you before you go. He seems to think you’re avoiding him.”

“Ain’t avoiding him,” Eggsy mutters. “Just ain’t seekin’ him out.” Merlin looks at him over his glasses. “Jesus, don’t gimme that headmaster look.” Merlin raises an eyebrow. “Fuck…fine. Fine. I’ll stop and say bye ta ‘arry. Happy?”

“Ecstatic,” Merlin says dryly. “Now then. Off you go, I have work to do.”

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy says politely. He stands and is surprised when Merlin stands as well. He’s frozen in place as Merlin comes around the desk to hug him.

“Be careful, lad. Come home safe, mentally and physically, or I shall be quite angry with you. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“I’ve seen ya when yer angry, Bruce Banner, remember?”

“Oh, lad. That isn’t angry. That’s just mildly irritated,” Merlin says lightly and Eggsy shivers, to his embarrassment. He pulls back.

“I’ll…talk to ya when I get back, I guess.”

“Yes. Safe travels.” Merlin returns to his seat and the moment is gone. 

 

Eggsy keeps his word and stops to see Harry…on the way to the hangar as he’s preparing to go on his mission. He knocks on Harry’s office door. “Enter.”

Eggsy pokes his head in. “Galahad.”

“Gawain!” Harry says, smiling with pleasure. “I thought you’d forgotten where my office is.”

“Well, busy preparing for my mission and all that.” Eggsy keeps his tone polite, ever the Kingsman agent. He’s had a lot of time to think about things since Harry’s return. Now that he’s no longer worried about Harry’s memory and his life, the anger and embarrassment he’d felt regarding the night they’d slept together has had time to bubble and boil inside of him.

“I understand you’ll be away for quite a long time?” Harry asks. “Haven’t heard much more than that.”

“That’s right. Indonesia, actually.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll do well.” Harry studies Eggsy. “I must say, Eggsy…I’m quite proud of you. It is a great honor to know that I brought you to what you are today.”

“With all due respect, Harry, that’s not exactly true,” Eggsy says. “You brought me to Kingsman. You saw potential in me, and for all of that I’ll be eternally grateful. But no one brought me to who I am today except myself.”

“Quite,” Harry says. “My apologies.” He takes a deep breath. “There’s another thing I wished to speak with you about…in regards to the last conversation we had before I left for Kentucky.”

“Oh. That.” Eggsy was wondering when they’d get around to this. “Listen, Harry, I…”

“I was quite disappointed in you, and I let my disappointment take over. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. I just felt you’d made a stupid decision…that you hadn’t thought things through.”

“Well, you don’t know me as well as you thought, Harry.” Eggsy looks away, and then says. “But I said some shite, too. One of the worst things about you being gone was that I never got to apologize. And I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’m glad we’ve worked it out, then.” 

Eggsy doesn’t really feel they’ve worked it out, but decides that he actually doesn’t care. He desperately wants to call Harry out for everything, but knows this isn’t the time or place. “I emptied the house,” he says finally.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your house. My things are gone. Merlin’s promised to have them moved into a new home before I get back.”

“My boy, that wasn’t necessary,” Harry says in genuine astonishment. “I’m ready to move out of HQ, that’s true, but I could have…”

“Harry, that’s been your home for decades,” Eggsy interrupts. “I would never dream of staying there. I only moved there because…” _Because I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you after V-day…before I knew what you truly thought of me._ “Because it was convenient when we were trying to put things back together,” he says finally. “Almost twenty-six, about time I had my own place, don’t you think?”

“Of course,” Harry says with a smile. “Dashing young man like you, you deserve a place to relax and…entertain.”

Eggsy suddenly feels uncomfortable. “Well, I gotta go.” He reverts back to his old accent. “Didn’t want ta go without stoppin’ by.”

“It’s much appreciated, Eggsy.” Harry stands and walks him to the door. “Be safe.”

“Do my best.” Eggsy allows Harry to hug him.

“I’d like to have you and Merlin over for dinner, to thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” Harry says. 

“Didn’t do much, ‘arry, I…”

“You jogged my memory, Eggsy.” Harry actually reaches up to touch Eggsy’s cheek. “I can never repay you.”

“Well, dinner sounds nice,” he says weakly. “Once I’m back.”

“Of course,” Harry says warmly. 

As Eggsy heads for the hangar, he realizes that Harry never actually said he was sorry for their argument on that fateful day.

 

Eggsy’s in Jakarta for three months. He’s accepted eagerly by the local kingpin looking for more ways to launder his money. He’s given a gorgeous flat, a car and driver, and a beautiful prostitute to be his trophy girlfriend for the extent of his stay. He fucks her just enough to keep anyone from getting suspicious and is just rough enough with her that no one questions his motives. He throws parties and is the guest of honor at parties. He takes holidays on the beach and spends his weekends at beautiful penthouse hotel suites. He manages to avoid the drugs by describing his very serious childhood heart defect (a lie) and is just charming enough to make everyone love him even as the kingpin keeps a close eye on him. By the end of the three months the intel is gathered, bugs are planted, and Eggsy can head home knowing the disgusting kingpin and his empire will come crashing to the ground. He does makes sure the prostitute is safely out of the city at her mother’s. It wasn’t her fault she’d been sold into service by an uncle when she was six. She was a nice girl and Eggsy genuinely felt sorry for her.

As he makes himself comfortable for the long flight back to England, he thinks back on what Merlin had warned him about. At the time it had seemed ridiculous. Why in the world would Eggsy want to live a lie? But as time wore on, it was very easy to live that lie, and the lie itself wrapped itself around Eggsy’s lonely heart. When he walked into a room, people looked at him. They jumped at the chance to speak with him, to help him in some way. The girl was always waiting at his door with a smile, and she snuggled up against him at night, her breath warm on his chest. The kingpin might have been a complete arsehole, but he managed to sound genuine when he spoke with Eggsy and asked his opinion on things. All in all, it was quite the fake life. He could have stayed in Jakarta. Kingsman would have pulled the bank accounts in an instant, true, but he’d always had light fingers. He could have made it happen.

But at night, when the girl was asleep at his side and he stared at the ceiling in the dark, he missed home. He missed his sister, he missed his mum, he missed HQ. He missed Roxy and Merlin. He missed letting his guard down and not having to worry about keeping up a front. It was time to go home.

 

He managed to sleep most of the sixteen hour flight and came off the jet not feeling like death warmed over. He accepted the greetings of different support staff, even stopping to talk to a janitor whose son was considering gymnastics training. He whistled as he went down the corridor, raising his hand to knock on a door. He froze as he realized it was Merlin’s door. He’d always gone to Harry’s office immediately after a mission, so they could dissect it and discuss it. But he didn’t want to see Harry.

“Enter,” a tired voice said. Eggsy entered the room and Merlin’s face actually lit up. “Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Looking…tired, Eggsy.”

“Feeling tired, Merlin.” Eggsy fell into the chair without asking. “I know they try ta make that jet as comfy as possible, but fuck…that bed is bloody awful.”

“I’ve put requisition orders in three times for Arthur to approve new mattresses,” Merlin tells him. “Obviously they’re not a priority.” He smiles at Eggsy. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah, swear down,” Eggsy says, knowing what Merlin is truly asking. “Think I can wait ‘til tomorrow to file my report?”

“Yes. We received your messages throughout your mission, so those will do until tomorrow.” Merlin pauses before saying, “I would like to say I’m very proud of you, Eggsy.” Eggsy feels like someone’s dumped a bucket of sunshine over his head. “I’ve kept informed regarding your work in Jakarta, and…I don’t know that any other agent could have done it better.”

“Thank…thank you, Merlin,” Eggsy whispers. “I did my best.”

“And it’s obvious,” Merlin tells him.

“So, uh, I did stop an’ see ‘arry on my way out,” Eggsy tells him. “He wants ta have us over for dinner?”

“Yes, some stupid notion about paying us back for taking care of him.” Merlin rolls his eyes. “Dramatic old fool. Oh…here.” Merlin writes something down on a note and hands it to him. “This is your new home. Harry moved back a month ago.”

“All right,” Eggsy says, taking the piece of paper.

“Your things are all there and put away, and your mother and sister helped decorate.”

Eggsy’s mouth falls open. “What?”

“They think you were opening a new shop in Jakarta, of course. We told them that your old home was no longer going to be available, and I asked if they’d like to help surprise you with the new place. They were so excited to help. I hope you like it.”

“I know I will. That was real thoughtful of ya, Merlin.” Eggsy’s mortified when he yawns. “Christ. Sorry.”

“Go home, lad. Get some rest and a shower. Don’t bother coming in tomorrow. The report can wait until the next day.”

“Ain’t gonna argue.”

“There’s a first,” Merlin says. 

“Thanks again, Merlin,” Eggsy says as he heads for the door.

“Glad to have you back safe, Eggsy.”

He decides to stop at Harry’s office anyway, just to say he hopes Harry’s found everything satisfactory at his house. He’s shocked to find Harry’s office completely empty. He slams his hand against his glasses. “Merlin? Where’s Harry?”

“In his office, of course. He…oh. My apologies, Eggsy. I forgot to tell you. He’s been given a new position. Obviously he can no longer go into the field, so he’s been appointed as Arthur’s right hand. His Excalibur, if you will. He will meet with operatives and occasionally go on reconnaissance locally, but otherwise his position will be administrative.”

Eggsy stops working. “Fuck…bet he’s hatin’ that.” He actually feels sorry for Harry. He’s devoted most of his life to Kingsman.

“I don’t know about that. It’s been a rough transition, but none of us are getting any younger.”

“Wouldn’t say that, bruv, yer well fit.” 

The words come out before he can stop them and Merlin goes silent for a moment. “Well, I…I appreciate the compliment. Harry’s new office is two down the hall from Arthur.”

“Thanks.” Eggsy’s glad Merlin can’t see the blush on his face.

He knocks on Harry’s door. “Come in.”

“Have a minute, Galahad?”

“Eggsy!” Harry says, a smile brightening his face. “I didn’t know you’d returned.”

“Just now…on my way out tha door. Thought I’d stop an’ make sure everything was all right at tha house.”

“Fine. You took very good care of my things.” Harry actually looks a bit emotional. “That was very sweet of you.”

“Well, you know me…sweet an’ innocent.”

“Right.” Harry gives him an odd look and he just smiles pleasantly. “Again, I found everything perfect at the house.”

“That’s good. So…new digs.” Eggsy looks around.

“Yes. They’ve put me out to pasture.” Harry makes a face and Eggsy frowns. “Oh, I’m just joking, my boy. I actually am enjoying this more than I’d thought. Arthur is a multi-faceted position, and there are a lot of things I’m privy to now that I didn’t know before. It’s quite fascinating, and I’m happy to help. I have connections and contacts that Arthur could never make use of on his own.”

“That’s good, ‘arry,” Eggsy says sincerely. “Good that all tha years of service can be put ta good use.”

“Quite.” Harry stands, a subtle hint that he’s busy and wants Eggsy to leave. “So…perhaps Saturday we could have our dinner…the three of us.”

“That sounds good if it suits Merlin.”

“I’m sure it will…the man has no life, as you well know.”

“I think he knows how ta keep himself busy,” Eggsy says cryptically. 

“Hmmm,” Harry says vaguely, and Eggsy knows his mind is already on something else. “So, how is half-six?”

“Perfect. If it doesn’t work fer Merlin, just let me know.”

“I will. Go home and rest. I’m sure you’ve earned it.”

Eggsy goes home and sleeps for ten hours.

 

When he really wakes up and is able to focus on his new home, he’s both impressed and thankful. Merlin’s chosen a house a bit smaller than Harry’s, but warmer and cozier. There are only two bedrooms upstairs, but Eggsy happily thinks that the spare would be perfect for Daisy to come stay the night. He’d had her over once to Harry’s home, but she’d been afraid of the bugs and butterflies, as well as the dead dog in the bathroom. His mother had done a wonderful job with curtains and furnishings, and the king-sized bed was the most comfortable thing he’d ever slept on. His suits were hung carefully, his oxfords lined up on the closet floor. Shiny new pots and pans filled the cupboards of the kitchen, and his fridge was even stocked with the basics. He spends the first few days finding things and reorganizing others, but it wasn’t long before he began to think of it as home.

He goes in to HQ to workout; although he’s technically still on leave, he prefers the familiar equipment of the Kingsman gym and workout center. He does a few miles on the treadmill, lifts weights, and does some sparring with one of the staff. 

Saturday comes before he knows it, and suddenly he’s standing on the doorstep of what had been his home for over two years. He rings the bell and takes a few deep breaths. “Eggsy. So glad you could come.” Harry smiles and lets him in.

“Apologize that I don’t got nothin’ ta give ya. Too stupid ta pick wine, even after all this time, an’ wasn’t sure what sweets would go with what yer havin’.” He shrugs apologetically.

“That isn’t necessary. Your presence is more than enough. Come in. Merlin’s already in the study.” Harry takes Eggsy’s jacket and hangs it up. “May I get you a drink?”

“Yeah, thanks. Whatever yer havin.” Eggsy wanders off to the study. Merlin’s standing by the fireplace, leaning on the mantel, and Eggsy freezes in the doorway. He’s wearing a gorgeous olive jumper that highlights his hazel eyes, and his legs are long and lean in his trousers. “Hello, Merlin.”

“Well, hello, stranger,” Merlin says with a cheerful grin, and Eggsy wonders how many drinks he’s had already. “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of you.”

“Been busy gettin’ settled inta my new place.” Eggsy blushes a bit. “It’s so perfect, Merlin.”

“Well, your mother did an excellent job.”

“My mother didn’t pick the house or organize my suits or hide my weapons, now, did she?” Eggsy points out. “That were all you. Thoughtful of ya.”

“It was my pleasure, Eggsy,” Merlin says sincerely.

“Well, I hope you two are hungry,” Harry says, walking in and handing Eggsy his drink. “There’s a lot of food.”

“You cooked?” Eggsy gasps. 

“Heavens, no.” Harry looks scandalized. “I ordered in. I simply had to warm it up.”

“Thank Christ.” Merlin pretends to be relieved. “You don’t want to eat Harry’s cooking, lad.”

“We had breakfast once,” Eggsy says faintly, remembering that day. “Twas quick, but good.”

“Well, anyone can do breakfast,” Harry points out. Eggsy swallows hard, glancing at Merlin. He looks sympathetic. “So, shall we go to the table, then? I’ll dish everything up and bring it in.”

“All this work, Harry, really not necessary,” Merlin says.

“Indeed it is.” Harry shows them to their seats, heads for the kitchen, and comes back with steaming plates. He serves them both before sitting down at his own seat. He pours them each a glass of wine, even though Eggsy’s barely sipped at his drink. “I believe a toast is in order.” He raises his glass. “To two of the most amazing men I’ve had the honor of meeting. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve either of you. You rescued me from my own mind, and for that I will always be grateful.”

“Pompous arse,” Merlin mutters as he sips at his wine. Eggsy snorts and starts to choke. “Classy, Eggsy.”

“Yer fault, ya mouthy prick,” Eggsy says, laughing as he chokes.

“Really, you two.” Harry shakes his head.

They chat casually as they enjoy the meal. The food is incredible, and Eggsy makes a mental note to ask if this restaurant does takeaway all the time, or just for posh gents with money to burn. They ask about his work in Jakarta, and he gives them the basic overview. He’s really not looking to relive it.

“And then I placed tha last bug, packed my bags, sent Melati to her mum’s, and got on the jet.” Eggsy does a double-take as he looks at Harry. “What? Yer starin’ at me.”

“I just…have you gained weight?” Eggsy blinks at him.

“Fuck, Harry,” Merlin mumbles.

“I’m sorry, dear boy, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…you look broader. Across the chest.” Harry eyes him appraisingly. “Maybe it’s the jumper. Red has always been a nice color on you.”

“They’re called muscles, Harry. You should look into it; a bit of toning might do you good,” Merlin says snarkily. He finishes his wine and reaches for the bottle.

“You’re one to talk. I’m not the one with bird legs,” Harry points out.

“Been doin’ some extra workin’ out whenever I’m not on a mission,” Eggsy interrupts. The banter has taken some sort of a dark turn. “Thanks fer noticin’.”

“I always notice, Eggsy.” Harry stands. “I’ll go prepare pudding. Coffee, anyone?”

“I’ll help ya, ‘arry. Least I can do. Feelin’ like a fuckin’ hog right now.” Eggsy gathers the dirty plates and goes to follow Harry. “Milk in yer coffee, right, Merlin?”

“Aye, lad,” Merlin says quietly.

Eggsy begins the rinse the plates. “Tell me, ‘arry, where’d ya order dinner from? Fuckin’ aces…best thing I’ve had in forever.” He stacks the plates in the sink. “I’m afraid ta ask what ya paid.”

“Oh, it wasn’t that much. You two are worth it, after all.” Harry leans on the counter in front of the coffeemaker. “Perhaps you and I could have breakfast there tomorrow. They serve food all day.”

“Breakfast?” Eggsy blinks at him. “Well, I don’t normally get up early when I’m off, but I could meet ya…”

“No. I thought we could go there together. From here.” Harry’s eye is dark and Eggsy shivers.

“What?”

“One of the memories that came back to me almost immediately was the night that you and I spent here together…our twenty-four hours?” Eggsy swallows hard as Harry moves closer. “That night was incredible. I was thinking perhaps we could pick up where we left off? And this time you wouldn’t have to hurry off to HQ. We could be lazy, go for a late breakfast…”

“Are ya fuckin’ takin’ tha piss, ‘arry?” Eggsy almost yells. 

Harry jumps a bit. “Are you quite all right, Eggsy?”

“Yer tellin’ me ya want me ta stay tha night? Ya want ta fuck me again?”

“Well, yes, I want you to stay. You didn’t exactly seem averse to the idea that night.”

“Oh, that night. That night.” Eggsy grips the edge of the counter to keep from punching Harry in the face. “That night, back when I thought ya hung tha moon. That night, back when I was fuckin’ infatuated with ya.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t know…”

“How could ya NOT have known? Since I pressed myself against ya an’, what was it? Stuck my tongue down yer throat?”

“Eggsy, what are you talking about?”

“I heard yer little conversation with Merlin after ya fucked me…when you was on tha plane ta Kentucky. Found yer computer.”

“You went prying into my computer?” Harry gasps.

“Oh, don’t fuckin’ start, ‘arry. Yeah, I found yer computer. I was havin’ a bad night, see, an’ I found it, an’ I was missin’ ya fuckin’ fierce. Was so lost without ya, ‘arry. So I found this little piece of you that let me hear yer voice. An’ that was all well an’ good, until I found that call.”

“Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves,” Harry says sharply.

“No fuckin’ lie, ‘arry. Let’s see…I was full of energy but lacked finesse. I was a good fuck…a memorable shag. But you had no connection with me, especially once I fucked up with tha dog test.”

“Eggsy, I’m sure I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Oh, I’m sure ya did.”

“Please believe me when I tell you I had no clue that you saw it as anything more than…”

“Oh, that’s fuckin’ bullshit an’ ya know it, ‘arry. Yer tellin’ me that anyone else woulda sat by yer bedside when ya was in a coma…woulda shut their mouth about ya even while bein’ threatened by a fuckin’ train? Only someone who was pretty far gone on ya woulda done that.”

“What does that matter now? It’s over and done with. I don’t see the harm in two attractive men having fun together.”

“You wouldn’t.” Eggsy shakes his head. “You are truly unbelievable. So, what, everything’s changed now cuz I were a fuckin’ hero? Now that I have a name it’s okay fer us ta fuck again?”

“My boy…”

“No. Weren’t never yer boy. Used ta dream of it, but it was never gonna happen. An’ it’s never gonna happen now. Not so hard up that I’ll take a pity fuck.” Eggsy shakes his head. “Jesus, ‘arry, are ya really that conceited?”

Eggsy turns and heads for the door, so angry that he forgets Merlin’s still in the dining room. He grabs his coat from its peg and shoves his arms into the sleeves, angry tears threatening to fall. He yanks the door open and is ready to step out when Harry’s voice filters down the hallway. “Well…that just happened.”

“Harry Hart, what the fuck have you done?” Merlin growls. Eggsy closes the door, loud enough that they’ll think he’s gone. Harry’s right, eavesdroppers never learn anything good about themselves, but there’s no way he’s leaving now. “Did I hear correctly? You propositioned the boy again?”

“He’s not a boy, Merlin. He’s a handsome young man. Excuse me for finding him attractive.”

“Harry, you wrecked him. He heard that conversation and fell apart. He was already devastated by your death, and then he found out the truth about your feelings, or lack thereof.”

“I didn’t know…”

“Want to try that again?” Merlin snaps.

“Oh, fine. I knew. How could I help it? He was everywhere I looked, every time I turned around. It was quite flattering, and he was a nice enough young man, sexy as hell. You cannot blame me for…”

“Oh, yes, I can. Are you really that heartless? Do you really not remember what it’s like to love someone, to admire and want them?”

“It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if he hadn’t gone snooping through my things,” Harry says angrily.

“You cannot blame him for this. When he told me he’d heard the conversation, my heart broke for him. I never knew his feelings for you were so strong. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone follow me around like that.”

“No, you wouldn’t now, would you?” Harry says smugly.

“Harry, we go back a long way, and I’ll not jeopardize our friendship just because you’re a complete and utter horse’s arse. But if you ever treat him that way again, like he’s just a piece of arse for you to stick your cock into, I will rethink that friendship.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Merlin. It’s over and done.”

“Gentlemen don’t interrupt, Harry. If you even look at him in an inappropriate manner, I will dig out your other eye.”

“Merlin!” Harry gasps. Eggsy buries a gasp in his sleeve as well. “Would you really choose him over me?”

“The way you’re acting now, Harry, yes, I would. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Do you have feelings for the boy, Merlin?” Harry says in a mocking tone.

“I’ll not answer that question, Harry…because I don’t think you know what feelings are anymore.”

Eggsy silently lets himself out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then there is fluff. Because Eggsy deserves it.

7

Eggsy finds a cab as soon as possible but once he’s in the back seat he realizes he’s not sure where to go. “Never mind, mate,” he says, climbing back out. He gives the driver a few quid for his trouble and starts walking down the sidewalk.

He’s surprised, but he realizes he really shouldn’t be. Harry’s Harry…the handsome peacock who expects everyone to quickly shuffle aside and follow in his wake. Eggsy believes that Harry respects him as a fellow agent. Harry knows talent, and Eggsy has it in spades. He probably still doesn’t believe they’re equals; while Harry definitely thought that anyone with potential and intelligence could be a Kingsman agent, regardless of background, that probably did not extend to his private life. Eggsy could only ever hope to be a bit on the side. He realizes he’s not as sad as he thought he’d be, but then again, he never thought Harry would proposition him. He probably should have said yes; wouldn’t have hurt to have a good fuck. Harry was most definitely good in bed. But in the end, it simply would have been another betrayal. 

Merlin…that’s another thing entirely. He couldn’t put a name on whatever weird thing was going on between the two of them. He’d tried very hard not to think too deeply about it, because the idea excited and frightened him. Merlin had never put him down, never tried to make what happened between them more than it was.

But now it WAS something more. Merlin had threatened his best friend on Eggsy’s behalf. Merlin had supported Eggsy, gave Harry a verbal beatdown for his treatment of Eggsy. Merlin had spoken as if Eggsy was something special. Something more than just a “piece of arse.”

Eggsy stops walking, turns around, and hails the first cab he sees. He gives his home address, determined to end this confusion once and for all.

 

“Hello, Eggsy,” Merlin says in surprise when he opens his door. 

“I apologize for tha late hour,” Eggsy says politely. He’d gone home to shower and change as well as have a few drinks to help him work things out. It’s almost eleven when he knocks on the door. “I was wondering if you could spare a few minutes to chat.”

“Of course,” Merlin says formally. “Please come in.” He’s still wearing the jumper and trousers and Eggsy can smell his cologne as he passes by. 

“Do ya mind if we sit?” Eggsy asks.

“No, of course not. Please come into the parlor.” He leads Eggsy to a comfortable room with a large sofa. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, thank you. I’ve had enough tonight.” Eggsy waits for Merlin to sit at one end of the sofa before sitting at the other end. He nervously twists his fingers together, trying to figure out what he wants to say. He’s actually at a loss. Merlin looks tired and worn, his eyes full of concern as he looks at Eggsy.

“Are you all right, lad?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

Merlin raises an eyebrow. “I’m intrigued.”

“You heard Harry.”

“Yes. I did. I’m so sorry, Eggsy. I didn’t…I never thought he’d…”

“Me either. Suppose I should be flattered, right? If I was so awful before, if he was so tired of me hangin’ around him all that time, you’d think he wouldn’t want another round.” Merlin opens his mouth to speak and Eggsy shakes his head. “Please don’t. Appreciate it, but not necessary. Ain’t gotta make excuses fer him.” He pauses. “Thought about sayin’ yes.” Merlin rears back a bit. “For one millisecond. Thought about sayin’ yes. Would be better this time, I thought, cuz we’d be on better footin’. We’d be equals. But then I realized it still wouldn’t be right. He still only wanted one thing about it…and I’d only be doin’ it ta prove some kind of stupid shite ta myself. I realized I could do better…I deserve better.”

“That’s right,” Merlin says immediately. “I’m still sorry, Eggsy. I didn’t know…”

“Even if ya did know, Merlin, what could you have done? He’s yer best friend…yer loyalties woulda been with him.” Merlin sighs and shrugs. “Harry looked at me an’ thought I had potential. He barely knew me an’ he thought I could be somethin’. He believed in me an’ supported me with Kingsman. Who doesn’t love someone like that, ya know?”

“Right.” Merlin rubs his hands on his legs. “Well, I’m glad to know you’re all right, Eggsy, but it’s late and…”

“You believed in me,” Eggsy interrupts and Merlin’s mouth snaps shut. “You thought I had potential. You thought I could be somethin’. From tha beginnin’ you’ve been in my corner, even were just a dumb trainee. An’ then when I had ta do all that with Valentine, you was right there in my ear.”

“Of course, Eggsy, it’s my job.”

“Right. But tha difference between you an’ ‘arry, Merlin, is that you believed in me an’ supported me outside Kingsman, too. Ya let me show up on yer doorstep spittin’ fire, an’ ya never turned me away.” Merlin doesn’t say anything. “Ya let me beat tha crap outta ya, an’ didn’t do nothin’ but give me as good as ya got. It was what I needed an’ ya knew it. Ya always gave me what I needed without me even askin’, Merlin.”

“I shouldn’t have touched you that first night, though. That was inappropriate and…”

“Christ, Merlin, I’m a grown man, coulda said no…yer a gentleman an’ ya woulda stopped.” Eggsy gives him a small smile. “Harry said eavesdropper never hear good things about themselves, but I think I did tonight. I heard ya talkin’ with ‘im, Merlin. Wasn’t out tha door yet.”

Merlin’s face flames. “Oh.” 

“You’ve been lookin’ out for me fer so long, Merlin, an’ I just realized it tonight. You was worried about me goin’ on that long mission, that’s why ya came bangin’ on my door that night. You gave me what I needed after Roxy was injured…after Kay…” Eggsy swallows hard. Kay is still a tender subject. “An’ tonight ya went up against yer best mate fer me. Heard ya, Merlin. Heard ya say how yer heart broke when mine did. Ain’t…ain’t no one ever been there for me when I needed it. Ain’t no one ever defended me. Always had ta take tha beatings…verbal or physical…because no one was there ta step between me an’ tha words. But ya did it tonight.”

“Well, I just…it was the right thing to do.” Merlin looks awkward and nervous.

“Got tha feelin’ from listen to ya that you’ve always played second fiddle ta ‘arry. Ya said ya didn’t know what it was like ta have someone followin’ after ya, an’ he pretty much agreed.”

Merlin shrugs. “You get used to it. Harry Hart has a fairly big shadow to walk in.”

Merlin’s voice is calm but his shoulders slump a bit. It tugs at Eggsy’s heart. “Was ‘arry right, Merlin? Do ya got feelings for me?”

Merlin finally looks him in the eye again. “I’m not going to lie to you. I suppose I do.” Eggsy’s heart jumps into his throat. “But I am able to remain professional and…”

“Merlin.” Eggsy slides a little closer to him on the sofa, feeling more nervous than he has in years. “When I come to ya, ya say I always gotta choose. Fight or fuck.” Merlin looks devastated, but he nods. “What if I don’t like those choices? What if I want another option?”

“What would that be?”

“I…I was wonderin’ if it would be all right fer you ta kiss me. If ya wanted.” Eggsy sighs. “Because I don’t need ta fight with ya, an’ I don’t need some sort of brutal fuck from ya. Not anymore.”

“Kiss you.” Merlin stares at him incredulously. “If I wanted.”

“Yeah.” Eggsy turns pink.

Merlin moves across the sofa until his leg is pressed against Eggsy’s. He cups Eggsy’s face in his long hand and Eggsy gasps a bit. “I want to kiss you very much,” Merlin murmurs.

Eggsy’s been kissed by princesses and international spies and johns and Indonesian prostitutes. He’s been kissed for work and kissed for fun and kissed as a joke. Never in his life has he been kissed in a way that makes his legs go out from under him even though he’s sitting down. Until tonight. Merlin’s hand slides back along his neck, fingers gently stroking the nape of his neck. His lips gently press against Eggsy’s, pulling back and moving in again until Eggsy finally parts his lips. Merlin’s tongue softly flicks into Eggsy’s mouth, and it’s only when Eggsy whimpers that Merlin takes control of the kiss. His other hand rests on Eggsy’s shoulder as Eggsy’s hands fist in the arms of Merlin’s jumper. When Merlin finally pulls away, Eggsy notices that his hands are shaking. He captures Merlin’s hands in his.

“Well, I…fuck.” Eggsy shakes his head to clear it. “Shouldn’t be surprised you can kiss like that…do everything else brilliant an’ all. But fuck.”

“I will take that as a compliment.” Merlin smiles and presses his forehead to Eggsy’s. “I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for a long time,” he finally admits. “I never thought you’d want it, so I went in the completely other direction.”

“You didn’t think I needed it…ya always gave me what I needed. Til now. Now I needed this.” Eggsy kisses him again. “So…that didn’t feel like me shovin’ my tongue down yer throat or anythin’, did it?” Eggsy’s only partially joking.

“Eggsy…if I believed any of what Harry said about you, would I have done the things I did with you? I may be an old computer geek, but I can still pull when I want.”

“Wink an’ beckon, right?” Eggsy asks with a smile.

“Not quite like that. People don’t look at me enough to see me wink or beckon.”

“I’m looking at you,” Eggsy whispers. “But ya don’t gotta wink…or beckon…just ask.”

Merlin takes Eggsy’s hand and kisses the inside of his wrist. “Eggsy, I would very much like to take you up to my bedroom.”

Eggsy mutely stands up and holds out his hand. Merlin takes it, stands as well, and starts for the stairs. He continues to hold Eggsy’s hand as they go up, and doesn’t let go until they’re in his bedroom. “Hopefully I’m a ‘memorable shag’ for ya, Merlin,” Eggsy says, trying to lighten the mood. 

“No.” Merlin shuts the bedroom door. “Don’t bring him in here with us, lad. Not this time.”

“Right,” Eggsy says, swallowing deeply.

“And you’ll be more than memorable. You always have been.” Merlin quickly removes his jumper and tosses it aside before reaching for Eggsy. Eggsy just manages to get his own hoodie off before Merlin’s kissing him again. It’s a new sort of kiss…not the rough and angry kisses of their other encounters, or the soft tender kiss from downstairs. It’s a kiss that begs and pleads and explores while making Eggsy’s bones melt out through his feet. Eggsy grinds himself against Merlin, hands running up the strong back and learning the muscles and sinews. Merlin’s hands hold Eggsy’s head, tilting it to the side to give him access to his throat. 

“Merlin…” Eggsy moans. His hands slide over Merlin’s chest, finding his nipples and gently pinching them. 

“My God, lad, you’ll be the death of me,” Merlin murmurs. Eggsy responds by licking the nipples, going back and forth, nipping, sucking, occasionally biting. Merlin fists a hand in Eggsy’s hair, pressing his mouth to his chest. Eggsy starts to kneel but Merlin catches him at the shoulders. “No.” He walks Eggsy backwards to the bed and gently lays him down. Eggsy lets his eyes flutter shut as Merlin slowly removes his shoes and socks before working down his trousers and pants. This isn’t the first time he’s been naked in front of Merlin, but he’s never felt so vulnerable. “You are a work of art,” Merlin murmurs and Eggsy blushes from head to toe.

“You naked, too,” he manages. Merlin chuckles as his sudden lack of speaking ability and quickly removes his trousers and pants. Merlin climbs over him and Eggsy shudders when their bodies come into full contact. 

Merlin starts at his throat and begins to caress, lick and suck every bit of skin he comes in contact with. When he gets to Eggsy’s chest, Eggsy’s gasping. When he reaches Eggsy’s abdomen, he’s panting. By the time he mouths his way from Eggsy’s knee to his inner thigh, Eggsy’s begging and whimpering. “I could spend hours just learning your body, lad,” Merlin says against his lower stomach. He takes Eggsy into his mouth and Eggsy arches off the bed.

“Oh, sweet Jesus, Merlin, ya got tha best mouth…oh fuck yer tongue…” Eggsy fists his hands in the blanket. 

“I love the taste of you.” His tongue plays along the head of Eggsy’s cock and Eggsy almost bursts into tears. Merlin takes him all the way in and Eggsy places a hand on the back of Merlin’s head, gently holding him there before releasing him. Merlin starts to rub along Eggsy’s leg as he sucks him, and Eggsy smiles as he feels the wetness start to drip along his skin. 

“Merlin…Merlin, please…” Eggsy guides Merlin back up so he can kiss him. “Want ya inside me…need it.”

“It’s what you need?” Merlin whispers. Eggsy nods as he finds a new tasty place to kiss at the base of Merlin’s neck. Merlin groans and freezes, allowing Eggsy to kiss him there until Eggsy can feel the goosebumps on Merlin’s skin. “I will always give you what you need, my Eggsy.”

Merlin rolls over to reach for condoms and lube, which gives Eggsy time to ponder that. My Eggsy. Merlin starts licking and kissing down Eggsy’s thighs again as his fingers start to open him up. Eggsy gasps at the intrusion, then sighs as Merlin sucks his cock again. Merlin quickly works to three fingers, thrusting into him at the same time he sucks hard at the head. “Merlin, now…fuckin’ need ya like yesterday.”

“Greedy,” Merlin remarks, nipping at Eggsy’s hipbone as he moves back up.

“Oh,” Eggsy gasps as Merlin starts to push inside. Merlin’s never taken him this slow before, and Eggsy feels every excruciatingly wonderful inch. He wraps his legs around Merlin’s waist, heels digging in and urging him deeper.

“Fuck, lad…you fit me like a glove,” Merlin groans. “Sweet Jesus, you’re tight.”

“Ain’t been no one but you fer months, Merlin,” Eggsy admits. “No bloke at tha pub…no one but you.” Merlin stares down at him and Eggsy shrugs. “Dunno…guess ya broke me fer anyone else.”

“Good.” Merlin gives him a gentle kiss before licking his way down Eggsy’s neck. He buries his head in Eggsy’s shoulder, giving short jabbing thrusts that make Eggsy grunt.

“Jesus, Merlin…so fuckin’ good…just like that…oh FUCK…” Eggsy cries as Merlin finds that perfect spot inside.

“Is that good…is that good for you?” Merlin’s hand slides under the small of Eggsy’s back, bringing him up to meet each thrust.

“Merlin…keep it just like that an’ I’m gonna fuckin’ come…without touchin’…” Eggsy whines as Merlin bites his shoulder. 

“That’s what I want…come for me…just because my cock is inside you,” Merlin growls. It’s that commanding tone that does Eggsy in, as always. He yells as he comes, short pulses that splatter onto his stomach.

“You are so fucking perfect,” Merlin snarls. He puts both hands on Eggsy’s hips, slamming inside until Eggsy’s whimpering again and Merlin’s coming. “So perfect…” Merlin pants, twitching a few times before collapsing a bit onto Eggsy’s body. He feels Merlin kissing his chest.

“Yer gonna get messy,” Eggsy says, then winces. Really? That’s what he can come up with?

“It’s your mess. I don’t mind.” But Merlin slowly pulls out and goes to dispose of the condom. Eggsy slowly sits up and waits for his return. Merlin comes back with flannels and wipes them both clean before crawling back into bed. He lays on the pillow but Eggsy stays seated, wrapping his arms around his knees. “You’re regretting this,” Merlin says in horror. “Christ, Eggsy, I’m sorry. I thought…I thought you wanted it.”

“Of course I wanted it, and I ain’t regrettin’ nothin’, ya wanker,” Eggsy says affectionately. “I’m just…I’m fuckin’ petrified, Merlin.” Merlin sits back up to look at him. “Nothin’ good in my life ever lasted. Dad, gone. Mum let Dean beat me an’ yell at me an’ run his fuckin’ drugs. Dean promised us a family an’ all he did was ruin us. Tilde used me til she got her prince. Harry…” Eggsy shrugs. “Everyone I’ve ever loved has betrayed me. Guess I’m waitin’ fer that shoe ta drop now.”

“Everyone you ever…loved?” Merlin’s eyes are wide.

“Yeah. Figured that out tonight between ‘arry’s house an’ mine. Ya made me fall in love with ya an’ I didn’t even know it, ya stupid berk.” Eggsy buries his face in his knees.

“Eggsy.” Merlin’s hand is warm on his shoulder. “Look at me please, lad.” Eggsy slowly looks up. Merlin’s thumb caresses his cheek. “It makes me feel so honored…you consider me something good in your life. But I hate knowing that your young life has been full of so much misery and betrayal. I cannot promise you forever, not yet, but I can promise that I will not use you or betray you. I will always be honest with you, always communicate with you. I will work every single day to earn your love.” Merlin kisses him, a sweet tender kiss that takes Eggsy’s breath away. “I’m not going to apologize for making you fall in love with me…because I’ve been in love with you for a very long time. I just never thought it would be reciprocated, so I kept things as they were.”

“Things as they were was sorta fun sometimes,” Eggsy admits, his cock twitching every so slightly at the idea of the angry passionate sex.

“Aye, and they still can be.” Merlin lays back down, tugging at Eggsy until he curls up next to him. “But not tonight.”

“No, not tonight.” Eggsy feels Merlin’s kiss on the top of his head and shortly Merlin’s breathing evens out to sleep. Eggsy lays awake for a long time.

When he wakens, he’s on his side on his own pillow, Merlin’s hand tenderly running through his hair. “Good morning,” Merlin says, eyes lighting up when he notices Eggsy’s awake.

“Morning,” Eggsy whispers. “So…want me ta leave now? Sure yer busy on yer day off.”

Merlin frowns. “Are you trying to make me punch you in the head for being stupid?”

“No, I just figured…” Eggsy yelps as he’s pulled across Merlin’s body to lay on top of him. His arms wrap tightly around Eggsy’s waist, his legs going around Eggsy’s to pin him into place.

“You figured wrong. Here is my plan for today…and only today, because if we start thinking about the next day, we start to worry and that will not allow us to enjoy anything. And I want to enjoy the day with you. We will go downstairs and I’ll cook you breakfast. You can wear a pair of my sleep pants, if you like. And then we’ll take a nice hot shower. And then we’ll come back here…and I’ll fuck you until you have to hobble home.” Eggsy chokes on his own saliva. “How does that sound?”

“Ya givin’ me a choice then, bruv?” Eggsy manages.

“Yes, you’re the guest, after all,” Merlin says politely, nipping at Eggsy’s nose. “You may choose how you have your eggs, you may choose which towel you’d like to use, and you may choose to come either on your hands and knees or while riding me.”

“Fuck, I love your choices,” Eggsy says with a grin, wrapping his arms around Merlin and kissing him. “Love you.”

“I love you, too, my Eggsy.” Merlin kisses him and suddenly Eggsy feels as if things might be going right for the first time in his life. It’s a wonderful feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who jumped in the car and went along for the ride with this. I didn't quite know where it was going when I started it, and you all have been aces. :)

8

Eggsy lingers in the hallway outside Merlin’s office, smiling and talking to as many people as he can. He speaks with a janitor, a tech employee, even one of the cafeteria workers. A voice in his ear makes him jump. “You do realize I can see you out there, right, Gawain?”

Eggsy groans and looks around once more. He’s going to miss HQ...he has a feeling this conversation isn’t going to end well for him. He takes a deep breath and goes into Merlin’s office. “Good afternoon, Merlin. Oh, Galahad, good afternoon,” Eggsy says politely. For the first time in the two months since Harry’s dinner, he’s happy to see his former mentor...he might distract Merlin a bit. He’s managed to avoid him for the most part; only meeting with him when someone else is in the room. Harry’s been avoiding him as well, although he’s not quite sure why. It’s not as if HE’S done anything wrong.

His relationship with Merlin, on the other hand, has thrived. They have kept it under wraps at HQ, although Arthur knows. Merlin had thought it best and Eggsy agreed. He’s not ashamed of it, but no one needs any reason to think that Merlin might give Gawain special treatment. Arthur’s promised not to tell anyone, especially Harry, and it’s not in writing anywhere. They spend three or four nights a week together, staying at each other’s homes at least two of those nights, and although it’s only been two months, Eggsy is starting to imagine what it might be like to wake up next to Merlin each morning. He’s almost ready to believe that this time it won’t end in betrayal. 

“Good afternoon, Gawain,” Harry replies, his eye sparkling with amusement.

“Please take a seat, Gawain,” Merlin orders.

“Well, it looks as if you two are quite busy. We can…”

“NOW, Gawain,” Merlin snaps. Eggsy slowly sinks onto the chair, smiling nervously at Harry.

“How was Rome?” Harry asks.

“Beautiful this time of year, of course.”

“And everything went well with the mission? The Principessa is quite attractive, and if memory serves, quite enamored of younger, naïve men.” Harry smiles pleasantly but Eggsy wants to hit him. He always finds ways to put Eggsy down in conversation, even thought it sounds innocent. He knows Harry’s bitter at his advances being rejected, even after all this time, but really. Man up, bruv.

“Yes, she WAS quite enamored of me, and as you know, I can play the naïveté card like no one else.” Eggsy also smiles pleasantly. “You should be happy you’re no longer at the Table, Harry…I think you’re a bit long in the tooth to have taken this particular assignment.”

Merlin hides a smile behind his hand. “Are you two quite finished?”

“We’re just discussing the mission, Merlin,” Eggsy says, his face and voice completely innocent and unassuming. 

“Well, you can discuss it later,” Merlin snaps, and Eggsy winces. He’d only baited Harry because he he’d hoped it would distract their quartermaster. “I’D like to discuss how a gorgeous Jaguar XK ended up at the bottom of the bloody TIBER!” Merlin growls. 

“Well, you’re definitely right, Merlin. It was a gorgeous car. And the story’s quite funny, you see. I’d just dropped off the Principessa. She’d invited me to her rooms, of course, but I’d convinced her that it just wouldn’t look right. After a quite passionate kiss good night…”

“That will do, Gawain. I’m sure neither Galahad nor myself are interested in hearing about your little escapades,” Merlin growls. Eggsy shuts his mouth.

“Oh, I don’t know…I’m rather interested,” Harry drawls. 

Merlin gives him a dirty look. “Gawain, you and I will discuss this later. I’m really not in the mood right now. Just know that I’m aware of it, and there WILL be repercussions.” He’s using his commanding tone and Eggsy falls back on everything he can think of to keep from getting aroused.

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy says, hanging his head a bit. He really hadn’t TRIED to put the car in the Tiber. Things had just…escalated.

“I’ll call for you when I’m ready to talk to you. Please make sure your report is on Galahad’s desk by this time tomorrow.”

“I’ll have it done within the hour, sir,” Eggsy declares.

“Dismissed,” Merlin barks. His eyes aren’t smiling and Eggsy’s beginning to think he might actually be angry.

“Thank you, sir. Good day to you both.” Eggsy nods and leaves the office.

 

Eggsy’s two pages into his report and double checking the spelling of all the Roman neighborhoods and streets when he gets a ping on his phone.

_My choice tonight. Meet me at the gymnasium at ten. Make sure to be dressed appropriately._

 

Eggsy’s nervously pacing outside the gymnasium at 9:55. He’d gone down earlier to retrieve his workout clothes and is ready in gym shorts and a vest. The gymnasium is usually deserted in the evenings although it’s open to agents 24/7. 

“At least you’re punctual,” Merlin remarks as he comes down the hall. He’s wearing a pair of track pants and a sleeveless vest, and his biceps make Eggsy’s mouth water. He enters some codes on the keypad and walks into the gymnasium. “I’ve sent a message that the gymnasium is currently off limits due to some ventilation issues...the room is only accessible to Arthur, Galahad, and myself. No one will disturb us now.”

“Great,” Eggsy says faintly.

Instead of the boxing ring, Merlin goes to the large mat on the side of the room. “Five minute warm-up,” he tells Eggsy.

Eggsy quickly stretches and does a few flips across the mat. It can’t hurt to remind Merlin of how flexible he is. It’s one of the things Merlin loves best about his body. “I’m ready,” he says. He removes his vest and tosses it across the floor, running a hand down his chest. Merlin’s eyes follow the hand, of course, and Eggsy smirks.

“So, Gawain…” Merlin feints left before swinging right. Eggsy moves just in time. “Do you have any idea how much a vehicle like that costs?”

“Course not, guv.” Eggsy chops at Merlin’s shoulder before kicking his thigh. Merlin winces. “Ain’t that why we got a quartermaster?”

“Cheeky,” Merlin mutters, hand lightly connecting with Eggsy’s actual cheek. He’s not looking to leave any visible bruises, and either is Eggsy.

“Ain’t lookin’ ta buy a Jag anytime soon, so no, got NO clue how much it costs.”

“About fifty to seventy thousand dollars American, just so you know.” 

“Oh,” Eggsy says. 

“But I suppose I can’t blame you. It sounds like you were quite distracted by the lovely Principessa.”

“She weren’t unattractive,” Eggsy agrees, sending his foot into Merlin’s side. “A little too…high class for my taste. I prefer my partner to be a bit more…down to earth.”

“Oh, I can send you right down to earth, lad.”  
Merlin sends a fist into his stomach and Eggsy gasps for breath. “Fuck, old man, feeling feisty tonight?”

“Yes, actually.” Merlin moves to sweep Eggsy to the ground but Eggsy jumps over his leg and pushes him down. 

“Ha!” Eggsy cries triumphantly, straddling Merlin’s waist and pinning his arms. “I win.”

“Did you really, though, sweetling?” Merlin coos. He thrusts up a bit and Eggsy feels his cock hard and solid through his track pants.

“Merlin,” Eggsy warns. He clenches Merlin’s wrists and pins his forearms. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Merlin says innocently. He slowly arches his back until his pelvis is actually pushing Eggsy up off the ground. 

“Fuck, you fuckin’ wanker,” Eggsy groans as Merlin adds a slip-slide of his hips. 

“Someone’s getting fucked tonight, that’s true,” Merlin says. He wriggles, shoves, and suddenly Eggsy’s sitting up with Merlin almost on his lap, long legs wrapped around Eggsy’s waist, pinning him down. “And it won’t be me.” He bites down just above Eggsy’s heart and sucks hard. 

“Maybe it won’t be me, neither,” Eggsy groans, wiggling a bit. Merlin tightens his legs. “Jesus, babe…you say MY thighs are made of granite.” He pants for breath.

“Say you’re sorry for drowning the car, and maybe I’ll let you come tonight.” Merlin licks the sweat from Eggsy’s neck.

“No.” Eggsy swoops in and kisses him, tongue darting into Merlin’s mouth before he gently bites Merlin’s bottom lip. It’s a dirty move, because Merlin loves when Eggsy bites him.

Merlin growls in Eggsy’s ear. He slides a hand up Eggsy’s bicep, across his shoulder, and down Eggsy’s chest, where he finds a nipple and pinches it hard. Eggsy gasps, arching his body toward Merlin. “Say you’re sorry for drowning the car, and maybe I’ll let you come tonight,” Merlin repeats.

“Fuck,” Eggsy moans, loving the pain but hating to give in. “Merlin, I’m…”

“Yes, lad?” Merlin’s tongue is doing wicked things along Eggsy’s collarbone.

“Merlin, I’m sorry for…”

“Well.”

There are two voices on the planet that could ensure that Eggsy would lose any sort of erection he might have. Maybe three. His mother, his sister, and the voice currently ringing through the gymnasium. 

“Thought ya said no one would come in here!” Eggsy hisses.

“I said it was accessible only to Galahad and Arthur. I didn’t expect either of them to actually come DOWN here!” Merlin hisses back.

They slowly stand up, both panting for breath and covered in sweat. Harry’s eye goes to Eggsy’s chest, and Eggsy’s certain Merlin has left a lovely mark on his skin. He almost puts his hand over it. It’s not Harry’s mark to see. It’s Merlin’s mark, Eggsy’s mark. Instead he reaches down and pulls on his vest. “That’s really not necessary, Eggsy,” Harry says. He cannot keep the smirk from his face. “I was just stopping by my locker to retrieve my other suit. I’ve soiled the jacket of this one a bit, and I’m having late drinks with friends. I do apologize if I…interrupted anything. It’s obvious that you were trying to keep things…quiet.” 

Eggsy looks up at Merlin. He’s unsure what to say, how Merlin would like to proceed. If he wants to simply say they were two friends blowing off some steam by a quick secluded fuck, he’ll go along with it. But Merlin’s words surprise him, sending a warmth through him that has nothing to do with the sweat running down his back.

“Arthur knows about this already, Harry.”

“Oh, so this is more than a one-time thing, then?” Harry’s eyebrows go up into his hair.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.” Merlin puts an arm around Eggsy’s waist, pulling him close. Eggsy places a trembling arm around Merlin as well. “It’s been a few months now.”

“Is this why you said no to me?” Harry asks Eggsy. 

Eggsy can almost hear Merlin roll his eyes. “No, I said no to ya cuz yer a pompous arse.”

“We’re in a relationship, Harry,” Merlin says softly, but Eggsy can hear the pride in his voice.

“A relationship? The two of you?” Harry bursts out laughing.

“Tell me I can punch him,” Eggsy mutters under the sound of Harry’s laughter. 

“Not today, lad. Words are the best weapon against him now.” Merlin raises his voice. “Why is it so amusing, Harry? So shocked that someone could find value in him, simply because you could not?”

“Not in the slightest. I just…” Harry waves a hand in the air. “You…I never thought of you as compatible. Of course I expect you to see value in him, Merlin.”

“But you don’t expect him to see value in me,” Merlin says slowly. “Isn’t that right?”

“Oi!” Eggsy says angrily. “Merlin’s fuckin’ aces, can’t tell me he’s not. Anyone in his right mind can see that!” Merlin squeezes him close.

“But no one ever has seen that, have they, Merlin?” Harry asks smoothly.

“Well, I fer one am’ fuckin’ thankful they haven’t,” Eggsy says. “Cuz if they had, maybe he an’ I wouldn’t be together now.” He turns up his face and gives Merlin a passionate kiss, not caring if Harry likes it or not. “Saved tha fuckin’ world together, didn’t we? Merlin’s looked out fer me when no one else could. You gave me Kingsman, ‘arry, an’ I’ll always be grateful fer that. But Merlin…he’s given me actual happiness.”

“Isn’t that sweet,” Harry says mockingly. “It all is, really. A bit like Beauty and the Beast, isn’t it?”

“Fuck, this how ya treat all yer friends, ‘arry? Surprised ya got any left,” Eggsy snaps, clenching his fists.

“Don’t bother, lad. I know what’s going on here.” Eggsy’s surprised to feel Merlin relax. “You’re jealous, Harry, because of the word Eggsy used. Happiness. You’ve known satisfaction, elation, pride. You’ve known orgasms and explosions and a job well done. But you’ve not known happiness, not since I’ve known you. You’ve settled for what you can get. I settled as well…thought my life was going to be spent behind a computer. But not anymore. You’re jealous of me because I have what you foolishly threw away...Eggsy. And you’re jealous of him because he’s happy.” Harry opens his mouth but nothing comes out. A strange look crosses his face…something bittersweet. For a moment Eggsy thinks he’s seeing the true Harry Hart, a lonely soul hiding behind his bespoke suits and bulletproof umbrella. “We’re trying to keep this under wraps here at work…something Arthur has agreed with. I ask that as my friend you respect this wish.”

Harry stands up straight, tugs at his jacket, and nods. “Of course,” he says, his voice posh and crisp. “Whatever you like.” He looks at them both, seems to want to say something else, but changes his mind. “I’ll be on my way, then. A good night to you both.” He strides away without waiting for a reply.

“Thought this whole scenario through a thousand times in my head,” Eggsy says suddenly. “Course, we wasn’t half-naked in a gymnasium, but I’ve thought about it. It has NEVER ended that way.”

“Thank you for standing up for me, sweetling.” Merlin draws Eggsy into his arms and kisses him. 

“Like I’d let him insult you. He takes bein’ a prick to a whole new level,” Eggsy grumbles. “Can’t believe I ever thought I loved HIM.”

“He paints a pretty picture,” Merlin says. “I can believe it.”

Eggsy kisses him and trails his fingers up Merlin’s back. “I’m very sorry for drowning the car, Merlin.” He attempts to look properly contrite.

Merlin grins. “How about you try it again?” Eggsy frowns. “Repeat after me…I’m sorry for drowning the car…”

“I’m sorry for drowning the car…”

“Ian.”

“Ian. Ian? Who tha fuck…” Eggsy’s eyes widen. “Izzat yer name, then?” 

Merlin nods. “I told you I’d tell you when you earned it.”

“Jesus.” Eggsy hops a bit and Merlin easily catches him. He wraps his legs around Merlin’s waist. “I love ya, Ian.”

“I’ve waited a long time to hear someone say that,” Merlin says with a catch in his throat. Eggsy hugs him tight. “But you need to get down because I’m an old man and you’re hurting my back.”

“Old my arse,” Eggsy snorts, but he slides back down to the ground. “Now what?”

“Now we go to my house, soak my old back in a warm bath, and then go to bed and have the kind of sex Harry Hart could only dream about.”

“Sounds perfect.” Eggsy kisses him once more and sighs happily.

Apparently happy endings aren’t make believe after all.

THE END


End file.
